The ties that bind
Cancer may have brought our community together but for many of us the ties of friendship have been strengthened through life’s other challenges and griefs. We hurt as much for the pain our friends go through as we know they do when we are hurt by life’s cruel blows. I will never forget the love and support which surrounded me here when my beloved mother died two years ago. More recently we rallied around our friend Karen when she lost her husband and now sadly it’s time to hold another friend in our loving thoughts and prayers. While visiting her home in Ireland, Yvonne received the devastating news that her husband had died. The shock I felt when Yvonne told me floored me, and I am still in shock. It doesn’t seem real. I can only imagine what that sense of unreality and shock must be like for Yvonne and her beautiful daughter. Yvonne, in her eloquent way has shared something of the experience on her blog: “Is it too soon to say that I am still alive, that life is for the living, for finding new rituals? Maybe. Then again nobody knows what to say or do. There are no rules.”
There are no rules. There are no words we can say that will take the pain away for Karen and Yvonne. All we can do is reach out to them both and surround them with as much love and tender care as we can.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. Henri J.M. Nouwen
Thank you for telling us, Marie. I hadn’t seen Yvonne’s blog post but somehow this one. I am stunned. This is so very sad.
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Thank you for the update, Marie. I’m so very sorry to hear of Yvonne’s loss.
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Thank you Marie for sharing this with us. My heartfelt condolences to Yvonne and her entire family.
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What an awful shock. I join everyone with condolences and prayers sent to Yvonne and her daughter.
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Thanks for bringing this warm community together to support Yvonne. My heart is heavy for her. It’s so so sad.
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Heartbreaking… I have no words… Thanks for sharing, Marie.
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Marie,I went to bed after reading Yvonne’s post–heartbroken, holding my husband a little closer as it was also our anniversary–unable to formulate a response. Your words are a beautiful tribute to Yvonne and Karen and the “ties that bind”. Thank you, JoAnn
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Both Karen’s and Yvonne’s losses have been so shocking and devastating. I can’t even begin to imagine. Sudden death is so surreal.
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Thank you for sharing this with us, Marie. My heart is aching for Yvonne.
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so beautifully written. although i do not know yvonne or karen except through reading their comments here, i too am filled with sadness at life’s cruel blows for all of us.
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Oh Marie
Thank you so much for this. You surely know your blog has become a soft place to fall for so many of us, so may friends that care are right here in this space. This post which has sent so much support my way leaves me quite undone.
There are millions of words and not one of them works to express the way I’m feeling, but I want you to know that every time I visit my own corner of the blogosphere and find such warmth and humanity from people I may never meet, I feel a little less frightened.
I don’t know when the clocks will start ticking for Sophie and me again. Right now we are stuck in a moment of sorrow and I keep realizing that I am holding my breath. Waiting to hear perhaps that it’s all been a mistake that Ken is going to wake up and make coffee and take Sophie to a friend’s house. Just like any other Saturday.
I don’t know what happens next = things are so surreal and strange – but I know I am not alone on this path and that I have a virtual place to call home. And that brings a kind of relief and reminds me to take a deep breath which helps ease what must be the physical pain of loss, the sharp stone.
Thank you
Yvonne
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Such beautiful words Yvonne, your eloquence, even now never ceases to move me. It will be a long slow journey through grief and its twists and turns will surprise you at the most unexpected times, but know you are not alone – we are all behind you xxxx
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