How Do You Support A Friend With Cancer?
I’m looking for your tips and suggestions on how best to help a friend with cancer, for an article I’m writing on this topic. As individuals with our own experience of cancer are we in a better position to know the “right” thing to say or do when a friend is diagnosed with cancer? Or does a friend’s diagnosis of cancer trigger our own fears and sadness?
From your own experience, what gifts or practical support did you find most memorable or helpful? What were some things that friends said to you that helped you face diagnosis and treatment?
I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this topic and sharing them in my forthcoming article.
Among the best responses I received we’re a monthly subscription to in-home flower deliveries during my treatments.
Sheri
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What a thoughtful and delightful gift Sheri – I would have loved that one too!
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Hey Marie… such a good discussion to have: although the answers will surely be as varied as we are, both in life generally, our experience of cancer, and our connection with our friend. But it will be really interesting to see what common themes you can tease out – I’m sure they will be there.
I wrote a couple of posts not long after treatment ended for my last cancer that might chime…
Much love
Sx
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This is super – thanks for sharing Sarah x
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Hi, One of the things I found helpful was to have lists of different people I could contact for help with different things. This included lists of people who were happy to be contacted day or night to take me to hospital in an e,regency situation, people who were happy to help with ironing, shopping and so on. As I didn’t have the energy to organise this myself a friend asked around and collated the lists for me x
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This is amazing Julia – such great practical advice!
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Something that I think is helpful is for friends and family to remember that it’s okay if you don’t know what to say to the person with cancer. Show up, say “I don’t know what to say, but I am here for you.” Take it from there.
It is also helpful to suggest specific things you can help with. “I am on my way to the store, what can I grab for you and drop off on my way home?” Help the cancer patient pamper themselves, You know your friend or family member well enough–get them something they wouldn’t get themselves because they would think it’s extravagant–i.e. the expensive chocolate or a pedicure.If they have small children, offer to take them to the park for a couple hours so the patient can rest.
Showing up and listening usually takes care of what can to happen next. Thanks!
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Love this advice Lisa – many thanks for sharing it
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This is an excellent idea.
In my considered opinion, small practical actions and warm, soothing short reassuring words are perfect.
A little note/text/card “Here for you 24/7 anytime”
Words “I’ll leave something on you doorstep tomorrow night at 6pm”
“I’m going nowhere and I’ll be here shoulder to shoulder when you need me”
A HUG, an Embrace, a hand, eye contact.
Less is everything but if you talk the talk you must walk the walk
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Love this “small practical actions and warm, soothing short reassuring words are perfect”
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Thanks Marie. So sorry for late response
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Hi Marie,
My advice would be don’t try to be a fixer and please, avoid using platitudes. Don’t tell her she’s strong, brave or courageous. Don’t add to her burden by making her feel she must live up to some gold standard of “doing cancer right”. Let her be real. Witness her pain. Listen. Just be there.
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Hi again, Marie,
Best thing I heard – I’m sorry you’re going through all this. And I loved it when my neighbor said, I’m bringing over a hot meal on Wednesday night. Who wouldn’t love hearing both of those? 🙂
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Ah yes – those pesky platitudes – to be avoided at all costs! Wonderful comments – thanks Nancy
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Thanks to you all for sharing your wisdom on this topic. Here’s the final article https://powerfulpatients.org/2020/02/26/how-can-you-best-support-a-friend-with-cancer
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