A Constant Reminder: Stacey’s Story
When was the first day of your last period?
That’s the question the nurse asked me at my annual gynecological exam on Friday.
Here’s what I said: I don’t get my period anymore.
Here’s what I wanted to say: I don’t get my period anymore because I had to have my ovaries removed after I went through treatment for breast cancer. I have the BRCA2 mutation, which increases my risk for ovarian cancer. So, no, I don’t get my period anymore and I’m in menopause at the age of 41. I know its not your fault, and I’ve never met you before so you’re probably new, since I’ve been coming here every few months over the last 2 years…but shouldn’t that detail about no longer getting periods be in my chart? What’s the point of having a chart if no one looks at it before talking to me?
Prior to this question from the nurse, I had been sitting in the doctor’s waiting room for 30 minutes with a ton of pregnant ladies. Me with my no ovary womb and them with their big, beautiful bellies. Me empty, them full. Literally and figuratively.
At every doctor’s appointment do I have to be reminded of this? I still see one of my doctors every 3 months – either my gynecologist, my oncologist, my breast surgeon, my plastic surgeon or radiation oncologist. That’s a lot of doctors and a lot of times having to reiterate my history to a nurse: I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 39. I had a double mastectomy. Then 8 rounds of chemo that lasted 4 months. Then breast reconstruction surgery. Then 32 rounds of radiation that occurred every week day for 7 weeks. Then, just when I thought I’d get a break from cancer, the possibility of ovarian cancer crept up during my bi-monthly screenings of my ovaries. So I had to have another surgery to do a biopsy of my ovaries and decided it was just time for my ovaries to be removed.
It’s difficult to move on with my life when, at every turn, something or someone makes my forward progression pause or take a step back. I know I won’t every really be able to put cancer behind me, and I actually don’t want to forget about having cancer and surviving, but does every doctor’s appointment have to bring something up that reminds me of what I’ve lost?
It’s hard enough to be going through early menopause – hot flashes, interruption of sleep, weight issues, achy body. Do I also have to be reminded of what I’ve lost from cancer? I’ve lost both of my breasts, I’ve lost both of my ovaries, I’ve lost the carefree lifestyle that made me believe I’d live to be 90, I’ve lost my patience and my ‘let’s wait and see’ approach to life, and I’ve lost my ability to have biological children and breastfeed them.
So, when was my last period? November of 2013. Maybe the next nurse could just skip this question and go to the next one on the list.
About Stacey
Diagnosed with breast cancer at 39. Stacey carries the BRCA2+ gene. She blogs at atruejourney.com
Reblogged this on Ever Upward™.
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“What’s the point of having a chart if no one looks at it before talking to me?”
Seriously. I think this too.
Every. Single. Visit.
Like I need to get a sign to wear or a print out of my history and date of last period and hand it to them.
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Thank you Stacey for sharing your story!!!
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For me, the constant reminders came from the multitude of pregnant women that suddenly seemed to be everywhere when I was trying to come to terms with my own infertility. And baby showers. I was constantly invited to baby showers from work colleagues once I learned I wouldn’t be getting pregnant. Like a masochist, I went tothem all, and spent at least some of the time quietly crying in the bathroom. I understand your pain when even the nurse has to rub salt in that open wound.
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Stacey, this is a poignant post, and I’m sorry for all you’ve been through.
I asked my doctor before chemo if that would make me infertile, and he said that the chemo only caused infertility in 1 percent of patients. Well guess who was in that 1 percent? Right, me. The searing pain I faced by premature menopause, followed by seeing so many pregnant ladies — some whom I knew and complained about being pregnant — devastated me. I cried a lot during that time.
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Thanks for all your comments. Sharon, I salute you for going to those baby showers – I tend to avoid anything to do with pregnancy, even those of friends and family – I just can’t handle them at all.
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Sorry my finger hit the post button! I get asked that question so much at various hospital appointments espically x-Ray “when was your last period” my reply August 2011 then I get the confused look with no sorry “when was your last period, what date was it” My reply again August 2011 then that confused look again so my short my version reply is I was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2011 after 2 operations, 6 of months chemo, 6 wks of radiotherapy currently on Tamoxifen and thrown into the early menopause at 38 that honestly is my last date radiographer nods their head says ah that’s fine just sign here..
Only last week I had to go into hospital for a small procedure I had the same conversation as above with somebody new but then I was asked “are you really sure there is no way you could be pregnant?” I opened my mouth no words came out I was dumbfounded by this I think my expression said it all.. I can totally relate to your story on many levels thank you for sharing it as I now know I am not alone on the period date, along with the pain and hurt it brings with it!!
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I get asked that question so much at various hospital appointments espically x-Ray “when was your last period” my reply August 2011 then I get the confused look with no sorry “when was your last period”
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The sense of loss can be overwhelming when questions like this are asked. Clinically cold, with no sensitivity to the patient’s status and feelings. I’ve been asked that question a lot, and I lost my period back in 1996 from chemo. I’m sorry you have to go through this. xx
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