Returning To Work After Cancer: How To Deal With Co-Workers
Thanks so much to everyone who commented and shared their experiences of how to handle job applications and interviews after a diagnosis of cancer. I loved that many of you (myself included) have decided to be open and upfront about the cancer experience, but of course I also respect that others would prefer to keep it private, and I hope yesterday’s post was a help in realizing your right to do so.
Today I thought we could discuss what happens for those of us who return to our old jobs after time off for cancer treatment (I hesitate to say we are the “lucky” ones who get time off, for I am also aware that taking time off is not an option or a choice for some). You may be wondering how your boss and co-workers will react to you. Will they avoid you or any mention of cancer or will they ask you intrusive questions? Will they be supportive? Or will you be stigmatized by your illness? Will it affect promotional opportunities?
Assuming your co-workers and bosses will be curious about your illness, some will ask questions out of concern for your progress, while the office gossips may be more interested in sharing in the drama of cancer. I think the following quote captures what the experience of returning to work can be like:
When I went back to work, for instance, I told only a few colleagues about my diagnosis. I couldn’t handle being smothered in sympathy every time I walked down the hall. I couldn’t deal with probing questions about my lumpectomy. And I couldn’t withstand the whispered stories about the coworker who had died of breast cancer four years earlier. My skin was too thin to protect against uninvited curiosity and concern. Stupid Cancer
So how you do handle their questions?
It can be unsettling to find the demarcation lines between your personal and professional life have become blurred by your illness, so my first suggestion is that you only share what you feel comfortable sharing. If you want to share all the details, then by all means, go ahead; but equally it is ok to tell people that you are doing fine now and do not wish to discuss your illness at work.
One of the difficulties that people with cancer report is having to deal with the myths and misperceptions of what a diagnosis of cancer means. Despite more awareness and openess when it comes to discussing cancer, there are still those who believe that a diagnosis is a death sentence, or that cancer is somehow contagious, or that cancer means you are now less productive as a worker or team member. In this situation a lack of communication will only make the situation more difficult, so strive for open and honest communication with your work colleagues. Reassure them that you are doing ok and that you still want to be a valued member of the team. If there are things that you are not ready to undertake initially, then be honest, and ask for help if you need it.
Prioritize work tasks, say no to unreasonable demands, know your rights, become comfortable with delegating and learn some simple stress-relieving tips you can do at work for those times when you feel overwhelmed. If all this sounds simple, I know from personal experience it isn’t always quite so straightforward, but I do want to stress that preparing yourself as much as you can in advance of returning to work is important. Above all, make your health your priority. You do have options and you do have rights. Be confident and prepared to put them into practice.
Do you have any tips you can share about how to make the transition back to work after cancer treatment easier?
Related Research:
Return to work of breast cancer survivors: a systematic review of intervention studies
Thanks Marie! I think honesty is (often) the best policy. Talking about this can be tricky with your friends and trickier yet at work as we have an image to maintain to hold onto our jobs and get the respect and team play and understanding we need. But I think showing you are comfortable and confident (even if it means having to act a little bit) helps.
Still, to not be afraid to ask for doable accommodations, like to be able to work a little at home if employer is ok with that and you of course can show you can keep communications and operations seamless. People as I think you have shown, Marie, sometimes don’t know what to do in the face of change.
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Rachel, what a great comment – thanks for sharing your insight. I think it’s a great point to emphasize that often people don’t know what to say/do for the best so we need to be the ones to guide them and take the lead
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In the US, we are protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act. It is important to know about this law, because it requires employers to make reasonable accommodations for health-related limitations. I have asked to have my fatigue accommodated because I can’t always make evening meetings. The human resources person in my department has been a good advocate. It is important, no matter where you are, to understand your rights and diplomatically stand up for them.
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Thanks for sharing the info about the Act Lani. It is important to know what our rights are and feel confident enough to stand up for them.
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I had to take time off work twice. The first being for the end of chemo and then radiation, and then the following year when I decided I needed to have a double mastectomy. After coming back the first time, I was pretty open with my boss and manager about my needs. I was very tired and my concentration was pretty non-existent. Luckily, I had the opportunity to work from home for the first couple of months and started to come back into the office a couple of days a week. That really helped me preserve the little strength I had and allowed me the opportunity to clock out and take naps if I needed to. I do understand not all employees have the kind of understanding I did when I came back.
When I came back after my double mastectomy, it was a lot easier than the first time around since I wasn’t trying to bounce back from chemo and radiation. Again, I was very open with my boss and manager about what I needed and they were both very understanding and accomodating. Nobody at my office treated me differently and with any pity since I was an open breast cancer book.
I will admit that the downside of my two years of dealing with illness is that it pretty much shot to hell any chance I might have had at getting promoted. I feel like I do have the stigma of being unreliable, like, “Hmm, maybe she’ll get sick again and can we trust her with more responsibility.”
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Make sure you let coworkers know your limitations if they expect you to do something you can’t do. I was asked to carry a lawyer’s briefcase after a meeting because he had to carry something else. I had to tell him that I have lymphedema in my arm and can’t do that. At first I felt embarrassed and ashamed for having that problem, but I had to change my attitude and realize it was ok to have limitations and not be the strong, independent, proud woman I used to be. xox
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This is a great topic Marie. I started writing about my experience and it’s long so I will save it for great idea for a post. I can relate a lot to what zappagirl wrote in reference to when I had to tell my employer I had my recurrence and I felt there was the stigma of being unreliable, like, “Hmm, maybe she’ll get sick again and can we trust her with more responsibility.”. …I am lucky I can now devote my work to advocacy with breast cancer and am self employed. XoXoXo – Susan
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Marie, this blog outlines everything I fear about returning.
Still in the thick of being treated and have held back on letting a lot of people know what is up. My boss and his boss have been very accommodating allowing me to work from home since day one of Neoadjuvant Chemotherapy but, the day is fast approaching for when I’ll have to face these fears of returning, knowing I work with the refined office gossips who are more interested in sharing in the drama of cancer which unfortunately is just not my bag of tea.
I’ve always been a really private person, used to say leadership is a lonely place but, I think it is just my reluctance to share personal information with others. So the stated task at hand is not one I’m looking forward to. For some reason I feel like it threatens who I am, like I have to become someone else in order to appease everyone else.
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This has also brought up a lot of “not so far under the surface” memories and emotions. I was able to work from home for the months of my treatment (our office is very large and the risk of infection high) and living not too far away made it a good option. So when I returned to work, although I had been in regular contact with my team and had meetings and work discussions at home, the actual return to the office was a Big Deal. I was highly emotional, and really wanted to slope in quietly. Instead there was a much greater fuss than I had wanted (including a video camera which was excruciating). I had to pretend I was really pleased when I was actually really struggling and just wanted to run away. I felt so ungrateful and unappreciative, but also that my feelings were just not taken into account. It was a painful and emotional day.
Sorry – this has turned into a bit of a rant 😦
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I was leading a team of about 100 people and was absent for about 9 months before returning. My staff and colleagues knew about my blog (it started as a way to address questions) so for those interested, they knew what I was going through. I scheduled an early meeting when I returned to work, initially on a progressive basis, gave people an update on my treatment, my return to work plans, and asked them to be understanding for the first few months. The sub-text is – look at me, I’m alive, let’s get back to normal. I think it worked for them, it certainly worked for me. Everyone is different but if one is up to it, sometimes easier to get it out in the open. And to avoid feistybluegecko’s situation, if a co-worker or a manager planning something, check with the person before organizing it and find something that works for them.
Great discussion threads both days.
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I’m almost too tired to comment on this because I just got home from work. And WordPress just lost the comment I left. The ADA does exist, as Lani pointed out, but the reality of how it is applied is far from smooth for many of us. And our healthcare system, even with its recent ‘fixes,’ is still far from affordable for many cancer patients.
A couple of links: the first is about how expensive it is to have cancer, and how it continues to be expensive after acute treatment is over: http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/story/health/story/2012-02-27/Cancers-growing-burden-the-high-cost-of-care/53271430/1
Here’s another on the impact of ‘chemobrain’ on returning to work, with some heart-breaking comments from women who had to give up careers because there was no way to accommodate the collateral damage that made it impossible for them to do the work they did before cancer: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2775113/pdf/11764_2009_Article_98.pdf
Finally, Cancer and Careers provides a lot of info and help on this very subject: http://www.cancerandcareers.org/en
I’m glad I was able to return to work at all, and still manage to do my job as a healthcare clinician, but frankly, the only accommodation my employer could make for me was to ‘allow’ me to cut back my hours because I don’t have the wherewithal to do my job full-time anymore. There’s no help whatsoever to make up for that lost income. I’ve learned to tighten my belt, over and over, during a time when I really need more help just for everyday home maintenance, help which I cannot afford to hire. I try to be honest at work if someone asks me how I am, but I get tired of ‘educating’ my colleagues, who really ought to know better, being clinicians, but so often don’t.
The fear of recurrence is, for me, in large part the fear of becoming impoverished. And I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones, with a job, health insurance, and a roof over my head. So far.
An important subject, Marie.
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Hardest part for me in returning to work was listening to the petty complaining, bitchiness and office politics – after what I had seen people go through in their treatments, I wanted to scream at these people at work to cop themselves on!
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I get that Emily!
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As i get ready to go back to work soon this is a very timely blog
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Thanks so much for sharing this great information. I am getting ready to return to work after an illness which though it wasn’t cancer, your points here are still very relevant
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Good luck with your retunr to work Ciara. I am glad you found this post helpful and as I often find with many of the things I write about – they are relevant to many of life challenges, not just cancer!
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Lots of good advice and resources on this thread. For anyone interested, here’s a coupla articles I did on this topic. Well the first one is on making the job work after and or during cancer. The second one just touches on the subject, but has a link to Cancer Legal Resource Center who helps survivors in the US with career-related issues (and insurance issues). Note the first article also has links at the bottom to places to look for new jobs if you have a disability.
http://www.1uponcancer.com/2012/04/13/life-in-the-mainstream-after-cancer/
http://www.1uponcancer.com/2011/08/27/doing-the-cancer-juggle-jig-holding-onto-the-job-and-insurance-while-reclaiming-your-health/
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Some really great guidance and resources here to direct our visitors towards. Thanks to Marie and everyone for the info!
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You all are awesome for sharing this information. Emily is so right. People do not understand the effects of cancer, chemo, radiation, surgeries. It is a lot on the pysche. I feel very spacey and I want to be left alone. I am very private too. This is my 2nd bout with breast cancer and I am only 42. I do not have time for petty complaints either. I am just trying to get my wits back. I was off for 3 months after 2 surgeries and chemo. I had someone run up to me today and mention all of the work. We are also being laid off in a few months so this is a strange environment. My advice to all is take care of yourself. I will apply for disability again if I feel that stress is coming on. We have to take care of ourselves first. People do not understand our walk, unless they walked it. I wish everyone the best of health. All is well. Tammi
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I found my return to work really stressful, but not for the reasons I expected. I am a stage IV colon cancer but in remission for the moment (very early days though). I worked really hard to get better. Really hard. All I wanted was to get back to work, get back to normal. I was a vet nurse and I loved my job, lived and breathed it, my life didn’t feel complete without it. Once I was well enough the first thing I did was try to go back to work. I knew that when I was in chemo, my job had been replaced by a new full time employee. This wasn’t great… but it was understandable. I don’t think they even tried to get a locum…. but everyone had assumed I was going to die and it was only a small clinic. So instead I took odd casual shifts, waiting until a new position I knew would be opening in a few months. I got better and better. I felt normal. I wanted more work but they were ‘overstaffed’. Management made sure I was mad to feel very uncomfortable and unwanted for every ‘unnecessary’ shift I worked… so I waited. Eventually the person whose position I was waiting for left…. and then the job was suddenly filled.. By someone else. Someone with NO qualifications. Despite the fact it was my old job and I was damn good at it and had been waiting for months.. I wasn’t even allowed to interview. I had no issues with people there, no behavioural issues, I got along with everyone and I worked hard so I felt blind sided. When I asked them why, they said I was ‘too sick’, as such obviously they had never have considered me for the position, they had no more work for me beyond what I was getting. I was a cancer patient. I was sick. They were not giving me extra work FOR me. Because they cared. This was ridiculous. I had been out of treatment for a long time. I am young. I am fit. I was well enough to work. They had just NEVER let me prove it. I am trying to take them to a commission but now they are denying everything, changing the facts, lying. It just makes me sick. After all I went through already, I didn’t need this. I was a loyal employee for years. The fact I was still alive was amazing. The fact I was so well was a miracle. Yet, nothing. So now I am unemployed. Cancer managed to not only rob my health, my chance of having children, my dignity… but it also took my job. I am looking again though, I will find another job. I doubt I will dare tell them about the cancer though for fear of being considered ‘too sick’ again.
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