Nora Ephron: an artist of consolation
I gritted my teeth reading the newspaper reports of the death of Nora Ephron and how she “lost her battle with” and “succumbed to” leukemia. You know how those stock phrases grate on me! Leaving that aside, I was saddened to hear of the death of Ms Ephron, aptly described by Hope For-Lymphoma, as ” one of the warmest chroniclers of contemporary culture”.
While I enjoyed the wit and warmth of her movies, Sleepless in Seattle, and When Harry Met Sally, it was her writing that I truly adored. As Ariel Levy, remembering her in a piece for the the New Yorker writes, she was “an artist of consolation….her voice was “funny, frank, self-effacing but never self-pitying and utterly intimate.”
Levy recounts her telling of her story of the unraveling of her famous marriage to Carl Bernstein, in her best-selling roman à clef, Heartburn:
That’s how bourgeois I am: at the split second I picked up the pie to throw at Mark, at the split second I was about to do the bravest—albeit the most derivative—thing I had ever done in my life, I thought to myself: Thank God the floor is linoleum and can be wiped up.
“She was telling a tale of woe…but it was somehow deeply comforting: hers was a world where humor always trumped loss.”
Nora Ephron, 1941-2012
Read Nora Ephron in The New Yorker archive.
Photograph by George Rose/Getty Images.
That is such sad news. The world has lost a wonderful voice of humor, honesty, and insight. The whole “lost her battle” business sets my teeth on edge, too, Marie. Why can’t it just be said that she died from leukemia??? Perhaps if we continue to rail against this trite usage, it will “lose its battle” with words that have more meaning and don’t portray the patient as the loser and the cancer as the victor.
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Thank you for this lovely warm appreciation of a clever, smart and wonderful writer. RIP Nora Ephron – your voice will be sadly missed in this world
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I’m so saddened to learn of Nora Ephron’s death. I’ve long been a fan and an admirer, frequently quoting her in my blogs. She was a truly great “dame.” “Lost her battle” may be trite, but my NY magazine editor friend said that’s exactly what she did. “She fought hard.”
Those women with mets who are desperately seeking to be included in yet another clinical trial, when the one they’ve participated in stops working, are absolutely fighting to stay alive. If they aren’t waging war on their cancer and enlisting every medical weapon in the met arsenal, then what are they doing? What do we call it? I don’t understand why the “battle” analogy offends so many.
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I, too, join the ranks of saddened women today, to whom Nora Ephron represented so much. I have to agree with the prior poster — I know the “battle” analogy bothers some, but as a stage III cancer survivor, I have to agree that I fought as hard as I could to beat it — and there is no other word but fight. On every level — physical, emotional, spiritual. When I hear the “battle” analogies, what I hear is validation of what I did and, in this case, what Nora did. But it’s a personal thing. Just important to know that some survivors like the battle analogy. (and for what it’s worth — I’m a pacifist — anti-war, so go figure…)
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Hi Brenda and CU – I really appreciate you both sharing your views on the battle analogy here. I agree that it’s a personal thing. I guess the problem I have is more that these phrases become a stock in trade for journalists and commentators, without little thought as to what the phrases may actually mean. But, yes, in the final analysis, how we choose to write or speak about our experiences is personal – I chose to label this blog a “journey” and I know that can be a hackneyed term that gets on some people’s nerves 😉 Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
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Hearing this news made me really sad too. The world will miss this profoundly talented woman, but of course, the real loss goes much deeper for her family and friends. And as far as the “battle” metaphor is concerned, it offends some because it implies if you fight hard enough, you can “win.” If you die, well…
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Marie, what a nice tribute. I was also a huge fan of her writing. One of my favorite parts of “I Remember Nothing” was her lists of things she will and won’t miss when she dies. I loved it that pie was on her “will miss” list. It’s on mine too 🙂
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I checked out that list after I read your comment Jackie 😉 and I smiled that one of the things she WON’T miss is the Kardashians 😉
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I read this news late last night and got so choked up. Besides all of her movie credits, (When Harry Met Sally is a staple in my “pick me up stash”) I saw her Broadway show, “Life Loss and What I Wore” which was an amazing performance. I know she died of leukemia and THAT upset me even more as I had just read a note from Dr. Love’s sister asking us to keep her in our thoughts as she just began her chemotherapy.
She was brilliant. She was witty and she had a way of telling stories that resonated with many. She will be missed.
As for the battle analogy….. it’s not really for me but I understand she made all of her funeral arrangements. Hours before she died, it hit the news wires that her death was imminent. I will be curious to see if she wrote anything about that….. It is an individual choice and while fighting a battle is something that some of us don’t like to see, others, like CU and Brenda point out, are comforted by those words.
Wouldn’t you agree we have more important things to focus on than debating whether or not the use of the battle analogies is appropriate or not? For me, I want accountability and transparency with the donor dollars as priority one. Too much money is at stake and it’s not going to the right places.
Sorry to get on a soapbox in a blog comment….
Love to you, my dear friend,
AnneMarie
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never apologize for being so passionate Anne Marie – it is one of the qualities I most admire in you!
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A very profound loss, indeed. How many more people will we lose to cancer as this 21st century unfolds? Too many, in my opinion. AnneMarie is spot on about the donor dollars. Thank you for this tribute to a remarkable woman who really made an impact with her life. xx
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Your heightened sensitivity to language serves us all well–but I realize it must leave you feeling frustrated. The task at hand, it seems, is to create a new, alternative vocabulary for the cancer experience–and get it ‘out there.’ It’s a big job, but you’re up to the task, if anyone is.
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RIP Nora Ephron. I, too, enjoyed her work. And those stock phrases never seem to go away, do they?
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I’m very sorry to hear of Nora’s passing. Like you, I have a short temper for those phrasings . . . but won’t go there. Instead I’d like to say she created brilliant and engaging films, and it sounds as though her writing was just so real and witty. I’ll have to look her up at the next library visit.
Catherine
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Catherine, I couldn’t have said it better myself! Marie x
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We’ll all miss Nora so much. She is definitely one of my writer role models. She has taught us all a great deal about how much the personal is universal, and how to share our experiences with the humor that somehow makes it that much more real, perceptive and poignant.
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I am so heartened to read how many of us are united in our shared affection for her writing Kathi x
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