How Stephanie Said Bah! To Cancer
Stephanie Butland
Today, I interview Stephanie Butland, author of the recently published How I Said Bah! To Cancer.
JBBC: Congratulations on the recent publication of your book ‘How I Said Bah! To Cancer’. Tell us a little about the meaning behind the quirky title and what led you to write this book.
Stephanie: Well, the title is based on my blog, which is called ‘Bah! to cancer’, and that name in turn came from my friend Jude who used the phrase in a card she sent to me after surgery. For me, it sums up my attitude to getting a cancer perfectly: annoyance, but something transitory. Because you say ‘Bah!’ when you do something like drop a book on your foot or forget your train ticket. ‘Bah!’ isn’t the end of the world. And I was never going to let cancer be the end of mine.
JBBC: On your website, you write about your approach to cancer, can you tell us some more about the Bah approach to cancer
Stephanie: The Bah! approach is all about thinking differently. Away from writing I’m a trainer specialising in the de Bono methods of thinking more productively and creatively, so I understood before my dance with cancer began that controlling the way that you think can have a huge impact on the quality of your life.
I think very carefully about the language that I use: I don’t ‘fight’ cancer, I dance with it, because as someone who’s never been in a battle, I don’t know how to fight, but I do know how to dance. And I also know no-one dies of dancing.
I think carefully about the treatments I have: have I learned as much as I possibly can before I go ahead? What will this treatment do to my body? How will it help with my chances of survival?
I think carefully about where I put my energy and where I spend my time. Shortly after I was diagnosed I closed down my cake business and stopped doing my second degree, because I realised I wasn’t getting enough from them to make them worth the candle. I try to spend time doing what I love.
I have realistic expectations of myself in the world, and I take better care of myself than I used to.
JBBC: I share your passion for blogging Stephanie and am curious to know what writing your blog has meant to you personally?
Stephanie: The blog began as a good way to keep my friends and family informed about what I was doing and how treatment was going. But I soon realised it was much more than that. Firstly, I don’t think you can write well about your experience unless you’ve processed and made at least a little bit of peace with it, so the act of writing a blog post becomes the daily act of making peace with your life. And secondly, blogging reminded me that I am a writer at heart – I’d forgotten that, somewhere along the line. The best thing of all, though, is when someone emails or leaves a comment to say that something I’ve blogged about has helped them, either with a practical aspect of the cancer that they have, or by making them laugh, or by helping them to understand what a loved one is going through. It’s so good to feel that my dance with cancer has some sort of use.
JBBC: What do you think the growth in social networking sites has done for cancer patients?
Stephanie: It’s meant that we don’t have to feel alone. When cancer treatment is long-term, when you don’t feel up to much, your world can get very small, very fast. A social network gives you a lot of people who are in the same boat as you to talk to. And you get to connect with people who are a little bit further down the road to you – more hair, more strength – and that’s so encouraging.
JBBC: Earlier this year you took part in a radio debate on maintain a ‘positive mental attitude’ when faced with cancer. I know this is a debate which divides a lot of people. What are your thoughts on the subject?
Stephanie: I do get a bit twitchy with the ‘positive thinking’ label, because there’s a danger that you become the person who says ‘I’m getting slimmer’ while making their way through a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts after every meal. A positive mental attitude only works when it translates to positive action: picking up the phone to a friend when you’re miserable, going to bed early when you’re tired, calling your oncologist when you’re struggling with side effects, keeping appointments even though you’d rather not have another blood test. And I reject absolutely the idea that people who die from cancer have somehow ‘not fought hard enough’.
JBBC: It seems we are seeing an increase in the number of cancer memoirs to hit our book shelves, but I imagine the process of writing and finding a publisher for your book is no easy task. How did you find this process and what advice would you offer to anyone who has a burning desire to see their own book in print?
Stephanie: The process isn’t easy. I sought, and took, advice at every stage: I talked to friends-of-friends in publishing, I had my manuscript professionally assessed, but most of all, i kept writing and rewriting until the book was the best I could possibly make it. So my advice is: ask people what they think, and listen to what they tell you, and be prepared to spend more time than you ever would have thought possible on getting it exactly right.
JBBC: Finally, if I asked you to finish this sentence “having cancer taught me…” how would you finish it?
Stephanie: Having a cancer taught me that my life is good. I’m not sure I’d bothered to notice before.
Visit Stephanie’s website at http://bahtocancer.com/
Today’s interview marks the first stop on Stephanie’s virtual book tour this week. Full details of her blog tour dates can be found on the Virtual Book Tour.
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Book Giveaway
If you would like to win a copy of Stephanie’s book, then please leave a comment below and tell us about your own particular approach to cancer. Maybe it was similar to Stephanie’s Bah! attitude, or maybe it was something very different – whichever approach you took we would love to hear about it.
Remember, you can double your chances of winning, by leaving a comment on our Facebook page too.
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Bah! Love it 🙂
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Often society expects us to adopt either a warrior stance or a stoic, long suffering attitude to cancer, so saying Bah! made me smile and nod at how unique we are in our attitudes and come at things from our own individual places.
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I believe that a patient’s attitude plays a significant role in their response to cancer and sounds like Stephanie has a good attitude!
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My attitude was to try to keep my sense of humor (albeit dark) – it also helped others around me too
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I was determined to find something to be thankful for each day even in my darkest chemo days – that attitude helped me
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Attitude is everything…
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only 3 hairs on her head. “Well,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.” So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. “H-m-m,” she said, “I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.” So she did and she had a great day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. “Well,” she said, “Today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.” So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head. “Yeah!” she exclaimed, “I don’t have to finx my hair today.”
Attitude is everything!
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I admire Stephanie’s positive approach to cancer, but do caution that not everyone feels this way. Indeed many feel pressure to keep a positive attitude at all times, which is often unrealistic.
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I agree with Gemma’s point. Indeed we can feel guilty or blame ourselves when we can’t be positive which only adds to our emotional burden
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To help me cope I had to develop an attitude of trust and faith – it wasn’t always easy but it made my own dance (as Stephanie would say) with cancer more bearable for me.
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I don’t necessarily agree with Stephanie’s Bah! attitude -for me cancer was definitely more than a Bah! moment, but I do agree with her approach of cutting back on the extra pressures in her life and being kind and gentle with herself.
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A positive mental attitude only works when it translates to positive action – what a great sentence – very empowering Stephanie.
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I bristled a bit at the Bah! attitude which seemed to down play the seriousness of cancer, but then as I read on, a lot of what Stephanie said makes sense, and at the end of the day, we are all as individual in our approaches to cancer and life, so let’s all just do what works best for us – especially if it means we adopt a kind and nurturing approach to our own selves above all.
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I love the simplicity and yet quite deep resonance of Stephanie’s last line in the interview
“Having a cancer taught me that my life is good. I’m not sure I’d bothered to notice before.”
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After the initial shock (well I guess I had guessed by the the outcome of my biopsy)I went into the “I’m not telling anyone, I’m dealing with this alone” mode. I told my children, my brother, my sister – but not my co-workers until the surgery was closer. There are still people I haven’t told, but only because I”m not particularly fond of them.
I had to learn to ask for help, to be gracious about it, and then – and only then – did I really come to terms with the reality of the whole situation.
I faced it with determination (to beat it) and the will to not let it get the best of me, to continue on with my life.
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What intelligent and thoughtful and thought-provoking comments. I think they stress how important it is that we all find our own way through things.
Thanks, everyone, and be well.
Stephanie
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Great interview. The book sounds like a great read. Being an author myself, I reflected on–and related to–her every word. She shares an approach to cancer similar to my own: appreciating life, changing the conversation (or at least the buzzwords and cliches often used in cancerland), and rearranging priorities to match my true desires in life. Thank you for the post.
XOXO,
Jan
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Stephanie, for me, when I was going through cancer treatments, I felt less alone, actually. I had my ladies at chemo camp in the afternoons and my long-time friends, well at least they were around some for support when I was going through it (a little is all I’d expect as they live far and have full lives too). But now that I’m done with treatments is when groups like Marie’s and other on-line ops are so important to not feel alone. My survivor friends are the only ones still there for me now that I have hair and life is “normal” again. I hope this doesn’t sound like complaining – just want to make the point that life after treatments sometimes is as hard if not harder. BTW you have a way with words. 🙂
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I enjoyed Stephanie’s interview. I especially appreciated her comment that when people die of cancer, it is not because they did not try hard enough.
I dealt with my breast cancer by writing a poem the night before my first mastectomy, “Goodbye, Beloved Breast.”
Much to my surprise, poems continued to pour out and eventually became a book, Fine Black Lines: Reflections on Facing Cancer, Fear and Loneliness. I found it hard to write and publish that book because I had been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) exactly a year prior. It was also hard because I had spent my previous life raising four children and teaching piano, not writing.
Much to my further surprise, I went on to speak more than 585 times (so far) in all 50 states, England, and Canada about my experience. Which I am sure was not as dramatic as many of yours. Except maybe for the part about posing nude from the waist up for the October cover of a Colorado magazine, back in the days when nobody did that.
And to my ultimate surprise, I am now 81, twenty years out from my second mastectomy. I am exceedingly grateful for those bonus years and try to live each day as if it were my last. Sometime in the future I’ll be right.
And I don’t feel that I received that gift because I am special or know or have done something that others less fortunate have not known or done.
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I too have published a book about my experience with cancer and how different it was from my mom’s (who died from it in 1987 at age 45). I feel strongly that we are here to help each other, and by sharing our stories, our experiences we do just that! I don’t think the positive attitude ‘cures’ you, but it does help you get through the experience, just as humor, faith, and opening yourself up to allowing others into your journey does-we weren’t meant to navigate the world alone. Would love to read the book-really like the title!
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My book is on amazon.com.
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Hi, I would love to have this book, its not for me you see, its for a friend of mine, who’s journey thru breast cancer is slowly taking away her spirit. She would greatly benefit her as its not about faking positivity, its about being realistic and optimistic.
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Some wonderful comments to a great post. Lois’ insights are fascinating and Youmma beautifully selfless. I think Stephanie’s words and the comments appropriately reflect the fact that we all face this differently and that is the right way for each of us.
As for me, I sad something stronger than Bah to cancer! 😉 But I also wrote it a snarky letter and a few poems. These days I am perhaps more at a “bleurgh” to cancer phase 🙂
Thanks Marie for bringing fresh perspective through your blog.
Philippa (aka Feisty Blue Gecko)
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I am away in Malta at a patient advocacy conference this week and I have not been able to read your commens as regularly as I would normally – thank you for contributing to this discussion and sharing your personal experiences. It has been wonderful to hear from you all. I will be announcing the winner very soon ….
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