How to find lasting happiness
I spent this weekend reading Martin Seligman’s book Authentic Happiness. Seligman believes that we have spent the last few decades focussing so much on what is wrong with a person, that we haven’t paid as much attention to finding out what makes people happy or fulfilled.
The author spends quite a bit of time examining the body of research we have on the conventional factors thought to make us happy, such as money – materialistic people are not happy – something the Dalai Lama also pointed out to those of us who were in the audience when he spoke in Ireland last month.
How character leads to happiness
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved ~Helen Keller
Despite the easy availability of pleasures in modern life, our lives are no happier, chiefly because availing freely of these pleasures demands zero growth of us as a person. Seligman believes that genuine happiness comes through the slow development of something we don’t hear about enough anymore ‘character’. Character is made up of universal virtues such as wisdom and knowledge, courage, love and humanity. We can achieve these virtues by cultivating and nurturing personal strengths, such as courage, integrity, kindness, love and compassion. Compassion was another thing the Dalai Lama spoke a lot about and how important it is to cultivate it in our lives.
As I go through all kinds of feelings and experiences in my journey through life — delight, surprise, chagrin, dismay — I hold this question as a guiding light: “What do I really need right now to be happy?” What I come to over and over again is that only qualities as vast and deep as love, connection and kindness will really make me happy in any sort of enduring way. – Sharon Salzberg
Gratitude leads to happiness
We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have
~ Frederick Keonig
Seligman emphasises the path of gratitude as a route to happiness. He recounts a ‘Gratitude Night’ in which his students invited someone along they wanted to thank for what they’ve done for them – in front of everyone. People involved were generally on a high for days or weeks afterwards.
Happiness is a choice
Happiness is something we develop over time. Happiness doesn’t just happen by chance. We have to choose happiness and keep on choosing it.Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections and choose to find happiness anyway.
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Thoroughly enjoyed reading this enligtening blog today.
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I also read this book quite recently on the recommendation of a friend and I liked the scientific angle it took, particularly when he examined the research which you mention on the factors we tend to think will make us happy – like winning the lotto. Who among us doesn’t dream of this! However,it is reassuring to have it confirmed by research that our actual circumstances do not preclude us from being happy. Great post!
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I love that quote on character – how very true!
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On the issue of character, I believe we don’t teach it enough to children anymore – the world needs to reestablish these old fashioned values again.
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I too read this book and I appreciated Seligman’s message that we are all responsible for our happiness – we cannot blame others or our past history.What matters is your development of personal strengths that do not depend on the quality of your childhood or current circumstances.
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Also in this book, Seligman writes about the importance of ‘rising to the occasion’, or what he calls the ‘Harry Truman effect’. When Truman took over from Franklin Delano Roosevelt after FDR died in office, against everyone’s expectations Truman turned out to be one of the great American presidents. The position revealed his character
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I love the sound of the webinar – thanks for sharing the link
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Do check it out Katie. Martine is a wonderful teacher.
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Absolutely endorse what Seligman says on gratitude and again it has been scientifically measured.One study showed that when participants were asked to find something to appreciate every day, they:
Felt better about their lives
Were more optimistic
Were more energetic
Were more enthusiastic
Were more determined
Were more joyful
Exercised more
Had fewer illnesses
Got more sleep.
Great reasons to practise gratitude!
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Great incentive to practise more gratitude in our lives!
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You mention the Dalai Lama and indeed he frequently tells us that happiness is our purpose in life. Thanks for a great post Marie
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I am amazed that happiness is so scientifically measurable – find this very interesting to read the research.
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I find the research fascinating too Geraldine and it is wonderful to see it mainstream like this.
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I really love all the quotes in your post. The first one by Unknown was so good I expected it to be the only one, but then there was more. Fantastic!
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Thanks so much Nancy – I am a little bit obsessed with quotes and sometimes think I overdo it, so it is lovely to hear from you that you appreciate them too 🙂
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Marie, your blog post itself lifted my spirits. Happiness is indeed developed over time, as we learn to pick our battles in life and choose to overlook some petty grievances. Good attitude is not merely a platitude.
How cool that the Dalai Lama was in Ireland last month!
Jan
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As always I enjoyed this post immensely and even more so the thoughts and comments from readers. Jan’s aphorism that a good attitude is not merely a platitude is wonderful! I shall remember that!! 🙂
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Jan, I love that phrase about a good attitude not just being a platitude. Sometimes we overlook the truth of platitudes because we only think of them as mere cliches, but there is often profound truths to be found if we open our hearts to it. Oh and yes, it was wonderful to have the opportunity to be in an audience with the Dalai Lama – a once in alife time experience!
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You are right that platitudes can have deeper meanings that we ignore or dismiss at our peril. Just as we might dismiss someone’s good attitude at our peril. Glad you liked the aphorism. Keep up the interesting conversation.
Jan
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I love this message. It is so true that happiness is a choice. I agree with Jan about overlooking petty grievances. It is a good reminder for me. An attitude of gratitude erases all that. Thanks for sharing Marie!
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Thanks Tami. It is an important point, so thanks for emphasizing it in your comment too. Marie x
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Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. Being happy doesn’t mean I HAVE to be perfect. Being happy doesn’t mean I don’t live with broken dreams. As many of you know I crashed and burned when my daughter Hannah died. It was then I began my search to understand happiness and how I could be happy, IF I could be happy ever again. I have learned many things about what works and doesn’t work in terms of being happy.That’s what made me decide to run the webinar.
To quote Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love “Tell the truth” (This is a piece from the webinar) In order to be happy I need, we all need, to tell ourselves the truth. We need to be honest with ourselves about what makes us happy, what makes us unhappy. This simple process gives us a foothold in lasting happiness. This simple process is also a rigorous discipline (which is why so few people do it) It is easier to lie to myself, it is easier to go along with the herd, it is FAR easier to give up on myself and any notion that I could ever be really happy. I hate to see anyone give up on themselves.. my old community work background coming out!
Happiness is about character. It is about a daily practice (or discipline) And IT IS within everyones reach. This is one of the first steps I use in all my work. You are all so welcome to join the webinar and thank you Marie for posting the link.
Your bring a gift of uncommon generosity to us all.
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HI Martine, I am so pleased to be able to bring my readers to your amazing work. I have learned so much from your wise teachings and I encourage everyone to sign up for your webinar 🙂
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Thank you Marie. x
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Since James died, I realize my state of being happy is something I must choose each and every day. Gratitude is the easy one. I’m grateful to be a child of God, that He’s still holding my hand, guiding me through this terrible time and that I was blessed to have James in my life for 18 years. We can choose to be a glass half-full or a glass half-empty person. Either one does not exclude the other, it just changes our priorities about which one we focus on.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
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Brenda, I know I keep saying this, but you are a constant source of inspiration to me! Thank you for all you teach us by how you live your life. Marie x
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Loved this. Thank you!
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Lots of great things to think about in here. My favorite part is that there is no need to want or expect things to be perfect in order to find at least some happiness. In fact, if you wait for perfection to happen, you will NEVER be happy! Sometimes you have to look really hard for something to be happy about it. A friend of mine with brain mets said she and her children look for something “happy” about every single day and sometimes they have to look really long and really hard, but they always find something “happy” about each day. I also don’t think it has to be all or nothing, you can find bits and pieces of happiness every day.
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Thank you so much Nancy for your comment. It is so true that many people have a misconception around happiness which is why for so many it remains elusive.
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