Learning to be kind to ourselves
Today’s post is inspired by a recent newsletter from life coach, Cheryl Richardson and also my own reflections on how hard I and many of you are on yourselves.
Numerous scientific studies have shown that being kind results in significant physical, mental and emotional health benefits including improving the immune system, enhancing self-esteem, optimism and happiness. Now don’t you deserve to reap these physical, mental and emotional benefits? And the way to do this is to include being kind to yourself, not just others.
Richardson advises that in order to do this we should:
Be patient with yourself. If it takes you longer to get where you want to go, there might be a reason for it. If you could rise above your life and view it from a higher perspective you’d see exactly why things happen as they do. Allow for Divine timing. It works .
- Ask for help and guidance. I still catch myself trying to go it alone during the most challenging of times. Slowly but surely I am learning that isolation not only slows down my progress, it makes me feel incredibly alone. You don’t need to suffer in silence. Give someone an opportunity to help you. They’ll get to experience the joy and pleasure that comes from being a generous spirit.
- Embrace your disappointment and begin again. You will always face disappointment when you allow yourself to want more from life. And you can live through it. As you face disappointment and come out the other side, you’ll develop self-trust – a deep inner knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way.
- Speak kindly to yourself. When you’re feeling discouraged the last thing you need is a critical parent beating you up. Instead, give yourself a gentle, loving reminder that your goals aren’t nearly as important as your relationship to yourself.
So pay attention to how you speak to yourself and the moment you catch yourself being mean to yourself, counteract the negative message with positive, self-accepting words of encouragement.
Does this post speak to you? Do you find it easier to be kind and helpful to others but not yourself? Can you think of ways to be kind yourself this week?
one of my favourite quotes just sprang to mind, while reading this post:
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland
It may not be directly relevant to this but it may help someone as it helps me to stay on track and care less about others’ opinions. Being kind to yourself means being true to yourself IMO.
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Great quote Rhona!
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I struggle with this one – much easier to be kind and helpful to others, and then beat myself up
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Thank you for posting this – I am finding it very helpful today
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I used to spend my life beating myself up over little things and forgetting that I deserved kind words and actions too. Now I do little things to let myself know that I am deserving of kindness too. It has made all the difference!
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Wonderful post and wonderful reminder that loving ourselves should be a priority in our lives. Thank you for the kind reminder to be kind to me.
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I suggest we celebrate our successes, however small this week by doing something kind for ourselves
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Don’t dwell on your perceived failures. think of them as feedback opportunities and don’t beat yourself up about them.
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Why not send yourself some flowers, a card, or buy a small inexpensive gift just to show yourself how special you really are. You don’t have to wait around for someone else to do this for you.
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I learned to be kind to myself by taking the time to set the table for my meal with nice china and cutlery and a bowl of flowers, You don’t need to wait for company to call to do this – it is all about treating yourself right 🙂
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Forgive yourself. Accept the fact that you are not perfect. That is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself
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Make the decision to move forward in your life, instead of remaining stuck in the past
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Practice forgiving yourself – it is the number one way to be kind to yourself.
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Be patient with yourself and trust the process of your life
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Ah yes Amy..patience..so important!
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Write a love letter to yourself 🙂
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I love the word compassion…it means walking alongside… I try to walk alongside myself every day. One time I was so busy doing it for others I forgot to do it for myself.
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I love that Martine and yes compassion is one of my favourite words too 🙂
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Allow yourself to make mistakes – they are part of life and we all make them. Don’t beat yourself up over them or dwell on them – move on and learn from them
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So true Roberta..we all make mistakes, as you say, the thing is to forgive ourselves and move on. Thanks for the reminder
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When I want to be kind to myself I light some candles and have a lovely warm bubble bath..does the trick every time 🙂
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Justine, one of my favourite ways to treat myself too…and you’ve just reminded me it is a long time since I have done that for myself!
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Once again, perfect timing in correlation with my own life. Thank you for posting this. I *needed* this today.
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So happy the timing is right for you dear Patty x
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Wow! Great comments everyone!!
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Once again, Marie, you tune into something essential and to be honest, I’m struggling so hard with this right now.
I feel whenever I open myself up and show kindness, it’s like opening a vein and I end up being sucked dry by those people who feed on the generosity of others without giving back. When I try to be kind, I end up feeling weak and used and alone. But if I stop, or if I limit my availability for my own good – I’m told I’m selfish and hurtful and inconsiderate. I become the problem, not them. As if kindness and consideration is their right, rather than my gift. This has been my experience again and again.
I’m so wary now, I’m afraid to ask for help because of what it might cost me if I do – that if I show weakness, it will be held against me. And I know I can’t do it all on my own. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried.
Just writing this has been a struggle – your post has triggered so many things for me. I desperately want to believe in kindness but, having reached a point where I can at least can see and recognise the patterns of the past, I don’t even know where to begin.
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Angela, my heart goes out to you, it really does. I hope some other readers might have advice for you too..and I shall email you privately later.
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I can hear the pain in your words Angela, and you are obviously a kind and sensitive person – please don’t let whatever recent experiences you are having close your heart.
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Thanks, Marie, for giving us permission to be kind to ourselves. Sometimes I think we feel like we don’t deserve to be kind to ourselves. Or perhaps it’s more we feel we shouldn’t take extra time to treat ourselves kindly. The reality is being kind to yourself, or at the very least not too hard on yourself, is essential to well-being.
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Nancy so well said as usual x
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I love your words as this is an area of challenge for me since I am someone who as a tendency to take on too much. As a Health & Wellness Coach, I take so many measures to promote health for myself, my family, friends and clients but self care is so key. You can eat really well and get plenty of exercise but if you are not being kind to yourself your health may suffer. Some people may struggle with junk food but my challenge is to treat myself as kindly as I do others and not expect too much from myself. It has been my intention to address this and I actually discussed this topic in my January e-zine. I am happy to say I am making progress. Thank you, Judy
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Hi Judy, thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a helpful comment for us all.
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I love this post. Thanks for the reminder that we need to take care of ourselves and not cast blame on what we could have done differently.
XOXOXO, Jan
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Wonderful blog! Mind-body support in the midst of cancer is essential. Mental and emotional attention toward greater vitality absolutely strengthens the immune system and even the innate healing capacity. More information about this important topic is available through EmbodiWorks integrative cancer care resources in the Mind section at http://www.embodiworks.org/mind/.
Self-care and self-love provide good medicine. Many blessings for optimal health and healing.
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Thanks for the link Jeannine. Looking forward to checking it out. Yours in health, Marie
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thanks marie, needed this. the theme of my lenten season has seemed to be “be patient with yourself”
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Sometimes our biggest challenge Katy! Good to hear from you again x
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