Reflections on living and dying
- Christine Murphy-Whyte
Yesterday I attended the funeral of Christine Murphy-Whyte. It was understandably a sad occasion, but also a celebration of her life and the legacy she leaves behind. Her influence extended beyond her work here in Ireland. Judy Caldwell, founder of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation British Columbia and Yukon Chapter, who spoke two years ago at the Europa Donna Surviving Breast Cancer conference, wrote to me to pay tribute to Christine with the following words:
Christine gave with all her heart and intelligence to the breast cancer cause. Here in British Columbia we are very aware of the work she has done and the contributions she has made on the Irish and International front. Christine is an inspiration to me and makes me even more determined to work to end the life-threatening effects of a diagnosis of breast cancer. My most sincere sympathies go to those of you who know Christine well and her incredibly supportive husband Michael, her sons and her extended family. My deepest condolences go to those of your who knew her as a great friend and a colleague at Europa Donna Ireland and abroad. I wish I had more time to be her friend.
Tributes such as Judy’s and the many that have come to us since Christine’s death cannot help but make one reflect on what legacy we each as individuals will leave behind. Although we live in a death-denying society, dying is part of living. That we will die is not open to question, but what is open to question is how we will die. Christine, I know, did not expect death to come for her so quickly – she still had a lot of living to do, a lot of places yet to visit (she had a passion for travel) and a lot of plans for the future of Europa Donna.
However, listening to yesterday’s sermon and the tributes paid by her sons, I was struck by all that she had achieved in her lifetime. Head and shoulders above all of Christine’s many academic and professional achievements, is the legacy of her loving and close relationships with her mother and siblings, husband Michael, and her three sons.
Later at home, I thought of Christine again, as I read the words of Randy Pausch*
We don’t beat the reaper by living longer, but by living well, and living fully — for the reaper will come for all of us. The question is: what do we do between the time we’re born and the time he shows up…It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death-bed. It is the things we do not. Find your passion and follow it. ..Your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. That passion will be grounded in people. It will be grounded in the relationships you have with people and what they think of you when your time comes.
* Randy”Pausch (October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008) was an American professor of computer science and human-computer interaction and design at Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Pausch learned that he had pancreatic cancer in September 2006, and in August 2007 he was given a terminal diagnosis: “3 to 6 months of good health left”. He gave an upbeat lecture entitled “The Last Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” on September 18, 2007 at Carnegie Mellon, which became a popular YouTube video and led to other media appearances. He then co-authored a book called The Last Lecture on the same theme, which became a New York Times best-seller. Pausch died of complications from pancreatic cancer on July 25, 2008.
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Great post Marie, how true – we do live in a death denying society. And you are right, it is what we do between birth and death that really counts. There is no point being alive and permanently miserable.
And it is not just about seeing faraway places either is it? As you have written before, it is about seeing the beauty in the simple everyday things that we often do not notice or take for granted – and indeed seeing the beauty in other people too 🙂
Brilliant post, a fitting eulogy for what sounds like an extraordinary woman.
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Thank you Lorna for “getting it” 🙂
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What an excellent post. You certainly made me reflect on what living is all about! Very inspirational.
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Everything you have written is so, so true. We must live our lives for others and it sounds like Christine did this and lived a full and rich life as a result.
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We don’t beat the reaper by living longer, but by living well, and living fully. I am printing off these words to remind myself of what truly matters in this life!
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A beautiful tribute to a lady who obviously knew all about living a full life.
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What legacy do we all want to leave behind? What do we want said about us at our own funerals? Food for thought!
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Another thought-provoking and inspirational post from the JBBC blog!
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Dear Marie,
I too believe it´s not how long we live but what we do with the time hwe have here on earth. We need to make sure we contribute a bit and leave this world a bit better than we “found” it. And you are doing just that: you make this world a better place by being the wonderful person you are! Thank you for all you do, love Annemieke
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Marie,
Your post makes me think about one I did a couple of weeks ago about my friend Susan Pollack. She, too, was one of the women who lived and died gracefully with breast cancer and made a huge impact on those around her in the time she had.
All of us who battle illness and suffer loss are changed by it, and more often than not, open our hearts more easily to those in need. You’re one of these women, and I love you for that.
XOXOXOXO,
Brenda
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Marie, as usual a very thought provoking post. It really is all about the legacy and doing something with the life we have. So often I find myself getting caught up in the things that really don’t even matter. I so agree with Brenda and the others you are certainly a giver that makes a huge difference to those of us who have breast cancer. Thank you so much for your life Marie! Hugs Luann
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Marie,
You have been on my heart and in my prayers. I almost didn’t read your post today, as the last few weeks have been a challenge for emotionally. I am so thankful that I did. What a great post! Thank you for helping to readjust my thinking and giving me encouragement.
Blessings and prayers continue,
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I agree so much with everyone’s comments here, particularly Brenda when she says All of us who battle illness and suffer loss are changed by it, and more often than not, open our hearts more easily to those in need. It is so true and this post is a reflection of someone who lived those words.
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I also read your other post Marie on what legacy you plan to leave behind, as I found this post so interesting. I love the line fromt hat other post: “True genius is the ability to ponder your own death as you live the most extravagant life you could ever imagine”. What a great motto to live your life by!
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Thanks for the reminder today of what truly matters in life!
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Another thing that Randy Pausch said in his last lecture – “Never lose the child-like wonder. It’s just too important. It’s what drives us.” I try to remember this each day.
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Mostly, people stop seeing any hope in Life when they face death so closely; however, few brave people like Randy Pausch and I think perhaps your friend Christine get maximum use of time left with them then wasting what they have.
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Hopefully, people will get inspiration from Randy’s and Christine’s lives and start living a more productive life.
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Despite his illness, Dr. Pausch continued to lead a very active life. He said he did so to disprove the typical image of an ailing and dying cancer patient. From what you have written about Christine, it sounds like she did the same. Truly inspirational people!
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Thanks for such a lovely post Marie, such a heartfelt tribute to Christine’s memory. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to take something so valuable from such a sad circumstance. Px
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Thank you. Yes…”head and shoulders”
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