When affirmations don’t work
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I admit to having somewhat ambivalent feelings towards the positive self talk brigade. While I can see the benefits of maintaining a positive attitude in life, I also see how for many it can quickly turn into the “tyranny of positive thinking”, serving only to make them feel even worse.
I have written here before of societal expectations of cancer patients to be upbeat, stoic and positive all the time and how it can serve to make some cancer patients feel like they are letting themselves and others down by not acting positive all the time. And what of the school of thought which claims that positive thinking can actually cure cancer and conversely that your negativity or hopelessness is a contributing cause of the disease. How much damage has that done?
So I was interested to read in Psychological Science ( a journal of the Association for Psychological Science) that repeating positive affirmations can actually have the opposite effect on some people. Psychologists found that individuals with low self-esteem actually felt worse about themselves after repeating positive self-statements.
The researchers asked participants with low self-esteem and high self-esteem to repeat the self-help book phrase “I am a lovable person.” The psychologists then measured the participants’ moods and their momentary feelings about themselves. As it turned out, the individuals with low self-esteem felt worse after repeating the positive self-statement compared to another low self-esteem group who did not repeat the self-statement. The individuals with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive self-statement–but only slightly.
In a follow-up study, the psychologists allowed the participants to list negative self-thoughts along with positive self-thoughts. They found that, paradoxically, low self-esteem participants’ moods fared better when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts. The psychologists suggested that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as “I accept myself completely,” can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem. Such negative thoughts can overwhelm the positive thoughts. And, if people are instructed to focus exclusively on positive thoughts, they may find negative thoughts to be especially discouraging. As the authors concluded, “Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people [such as individuals with high self-esteem] but backfire for the very people who need them the most.”
Now I am not saying that we should all abandon positive self talk, and yes, for some people affirmations are a wonderful aid to good mental health, but what I am saying is this pressure to feel positive all the time can also be damaging if it becomes another stick to beat ourselves with.
So, what do you think? Do affirmations work for you? Or have you found the opposite to be true? I would love to hear your views.
Adapted from PsychCentral
Related Post: The language of cancer
I find positive affirmations are a bit thin…and are more “hope” that “faith.” I can see why they might work better for people with high self-esteem…because they probably don’t need affirmations in the first place…they KNOW what they know…and maybe repeating that just reminds them of it.
My wife used to be sad because she felt she was letting people down after a recurrence…and used say she felt pressure to “get better.” We heard the same things time and again, “Don’t talk that way…you’ll be fine.” “Stay positive…it’s the best thing.” or…”You can beat this thing.”
No…I’m sorry…no amount of repetitive sayings like, “I am stronger than my cancer,” or, “My body is cancer-free” changed the outcome. No one had more to live for…she loved her children…and went through unimaginable lengths to live…but just couldn’t “win” in the end. (Though she did win in the end…because she has inspired so many others at her poise and dignity through it all. She was/is a model of life lived despite some very heavy issues.)
I’m not sure your minds are as powerful as our hearts. Maybe if we are repeating what our heart already knows it makes a difference. That’s my take anyway…
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Affirmations work and I don’t think the study counters that assertion. What it DOES do is remind us that affirmations work best when they’re formulated properly and used in the right way. That means creating affirmations that have credibility/believability and are grounded in potential realities.
The study seems to argue that not using “best practices” will reduce effectiveness, which isn’t surprising. Even the researchers have expressed some shock at the way the findings are being used to dismiss the idea of affirmations almost outright in some circles.
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Thanks Lisa for taking the time to comment on this post. You make a good point that affirmations work best when they’re formulated properly and used in the right way. It is not just a simple case of repeating an affirmation that is meaningless to you personally. I believe that affirmations DO work well for some people, but for others they can become just another stick to beat themselves with. I wanted to make the point that for some cancer patients they feel pressured to be positive, do affirmations etc and feel like they are somehow failing themselves and their loved ones if they don’t feel like this. I hoped by posting this article to open up a discussion on the nature of affirmations and positive self-talk to elicit the views and opinions of my readers, so once again I appreciate that you have taken the time to share your thoughts here.
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Hi dear JBBC!
(beforehand sorry, i get an automatic translator)
I wrote a titled post “Ill of treatments and image of the cancer”. Total agreed with the Barbara Ehrenreich’ newspaper “Smile! You’ve got cancer” The Gardian, january 2nd, 2010. And total agreed with your post !!
Obligatory positive thought can have an opposite effect. Personally, it tires me… and i feel good saying it 🙂
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Thank you Cathie for your comment 🙂 You made yourself understood very well!
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Marie, This is a very interesting article! Could the low self esteem be a mild form of depression? I totally agree with Andy. I do feel preasure to “Get better and have things return to “normal.” I just finished Chemo about 2 mos ago and am going to begin Radiation this week. People that I work with and for believe that if I keep pushing I will soon have the same energy that I had before my treatment. Anyway fatigue does creep up from time to time and I feel guilty for not meeting their expectations as they have been so accomodating to me while I have been doing treatment and feel I have let them down.
With that said, I fully believe that life is a choice. There have been times when I have choosen to stay in a negative spot believing that I will not climb out of a “mood” which is in a way negative talk. When I stop, challenge and choose my thoughts and look for what is the truth of the situation (I guess this would be positive thoughts) my negative mood changes. Guess I am still trying to figure this out:)
Very thought provoking! Luann
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Luann, my heart breaks when I read your words that you feel you are letting people down by not getting your energy levels back up as quickly as others expect them to be. As any of us who have gone through cancer treatment will tell you, it takes quite a while to get your strength and energy back, and you have been working through your treatment! Your colleagues don’t realize the toll your treatment has taken on in terms of your energy – both physically and emotionally. It will take as long as it takes, and others will just have to be patient until you get there xxxx
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To me, the core of your post is the second paragraph, where you talk about the “societal expectations of cancer patients to be upbeat, stoic and positive all the time and how it can serve to make some cancer patients feel like they are letting themselves and others down by not acting positive all the time.”
Even when I finished reading the remainder of the post, it stood out to me. It seems impracticable for any to be and remain upbeat, stoic & positive 24×7. We carry our thoughts and concerns with us; 24×7, and no amount of affirmation can mollify our deepest fears and worries of things happening to and around us.
I remember once trying to revive a bereaved friend using positive statements and honestly, feeling silly. Because such statements do not change the truth around us. By simply repeating “I am a lovable person.”, I do not become one, specially when my mind is heavy with a crisis. I subsequently realized that such statements can be best used, not to allay our fears but to make us more ready in approaching or confronting them. From thereon, I only prefer using suitable affirmations.
Happy to be back reading your amazing posts and commenting.
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What a thought provoking post! One of my biggest gripes through the journey was when people would say “think positive”, “you can handle it, your a tough girl”, or my favorite, “God must really love you to give you cancer.” By nature, I am fairly passive, positive and calm natured–however the above phrases would get me going. At times it would take all my power to not respond with a snide comment like “Why does having cancer make me have to be positive all the time, that is such an unrealistic expectation!” or “I’m glad you think I am strong, because I don’t know if I think I am” or “God allowed my cancer and His love shows because He is walking with me not because He gave it to me!”
I am a big believer in positive thinking, but I think that when giving affirmations to someone in a health or even life crisis, we need to be really sensitive to where that person is at in their journey.
Thanks for such a thought provoking blog entry.
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What a great post and some great responses to – I think that Kim has hit the nail on the head when she says that when giving affirmations to someone in a health or even life crisis, we need to be really sensitive to where that person is at in their journey.
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I feel a huge sense of relief reading this post and am grateful that you wrote of the tyranny of positive thinking – it has really helped me feel less of a failure for not thinking positively through my cancer diagnosis
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Oh Luann, honey, Marie is right and my heart aches for you too and all the pressure you are putting yourself under. My goodness working through your treatment like that – you deserve a gold star!!! Good luck with the rest of your treatment sweetie xxx
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Oh Luann, I really feel for you and the pressure you are putting yourself under – try not to think about societal and work pressure – put yourself first! Good luck!!!
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You all are so kind! Thank you for helping me to see that I am normal. My question to everyone is how do I deal with the folks whom I work with? I don’t want to be perceived as someone who complains. Afterall this has been going on for quite some time and I feel they are getting tired of hearing about it.
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That’s a great question Luann..will be interested to read the response to that.
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Great post Marie and lots of great comments. I agree that there is pressure on cancer survivors to feel and act positive a lot and sometimes the pressure is so overwhelming. And sometimes the pressure seems to come from inside myself. And no matter how much positive thinking one does you may still find yourself down or fearful or anxious. And that is okay and normal and we have to allow ourselves to realize that and accept ourselves as we are.
And the pressure to think the ‘right’ way and pray the ‘right’ way and act the ‘right’ way is backwards thinking and does way more harm than good. That said, I do listen to and repeat affirmations. I say positive mantras while I walk or run. I pray. And sometimes I allow myself to feel bad or sad or acknowledge the fear. But for me the return to the positive mantras and prayers helps me to deal with them better – as Somnath put it…”I subsequently realized that such statements can be best used, not to allay our fears but to make us more ready in approaching or confronting them.”
As far as Luann’s questions goes, Luann you amaze me with your positive attitude and willingness to be open and learn from others and give to others. I’m not sure what to say in regards to your work situation. But regaining your energy during and after treatment takes a VERY long time. And radiation can make you very tired too. You have to give YOURSELF permission to recover and to be good to yourself and take care of yourself and hopefully the people you work with will follow your lead. I think that people are ready for us to be “back to normal” much sooner than is realistic and then we feel that we ‘should’ be feeling better and start to get down on ourselves. Try to avoid falling into that trap. I have been there on and off many times and am trying to come out of that place again right now in a way. The desire to “be normal” and back to life is perhaps a desire to never have had cancer to begin with, to wish my life had never traveled down this path. But I really have to let go of that and move forward instead of looking back. Try to move forward in a nurturing way to yourself and maybe the people around you will learn from you.
Love Deb
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I am thinking of the country song,”A little less talk and a lot more action.”
I think what we do has a more profound effect on our moods than affirmations.
A positive attitude is useful if it can help you take positive actions. It’s very interesting to think the affirmations have an opposite effect, it’s like the brain doesn’t want to be tricked.
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Terrific post..as always and some great comments too!
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A really interesting post, Marie – I know I’ve been frustrated in the past by people telling me to use positive affirmations to change my situation, the implication being if it doesn’t work, then I’m just not trying hard enough or doing them ‘properly’!
While there may be value in using them in the right way, I’m not sure whether the positive thought always has to be in place for the positive action to occur. Recently, I didn’t feel in a positive frame of mind at all and felt extremely limited in what I could achieve. Yet, despite this, I made myself do a few small things, then a few more. At no point did I feel positive or motivated, yet slowly I got things done and in the end just having taken the action allowed me to feel better about the situation. The actions ‘proved’ my thinking wrong.
Each of us has our own path and journey, for good and bad, and no-one else has the right to tell us how we feel or are supposed to feel in any given situation.
Luann, I was touched by your comments – you have enough to be dealing with without worrying about making other people happy, comfortable etc. with your progress. Instead of worrying about the expectations of others, look at everything you have achieved so far. Choose your own success and take care of yourself first!
Ax
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Thank you all for these wonderful comments, in particular thank you for the kindness you have shown towards the lovely Luann.
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Everyone, Marie sent me a wonderful link that has some very practical things to do at work. I really can’t tell you how much I appreciate the care you have shown me and you don’t even know me! I am actually going to talk with my boss and the leadership team as to what I will do should a situation arise where I physically need to slow down. Hugs to all of you today! http://cancerandcareers.org
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I blogged about Cancer and Careers previously, but I can see I need to update the post – so glad it has been helpful to you. Please continue to keep us informed on how it is working out for you in your job xxx
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Thank you so much for this post and all your comments – it has been incredibly helpful and liberating for me to read them!
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What a great post and as others have commented too, terrific responses from your readers. I am sure you will have helped a lot of people with this.
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way to be up to date on research. impressive. yeah…the positive self help talk does me no good. and my friends would label me high self esteem. i need to be allowed to taste reality, i need time and space to grieve, and i need to do it in my own time and pattern (like everyone im sure). even certain words/verses from the Bible can become just noise to me.
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After five years of doing affirmations, I have noticed over and over again the opposite effect they give me. For some people they seem to work miracles. But for me, and to a friend of mine, affirmations have a complete reversed effect.
I wrote here some reasons for negative effects caused by affirmations. I wrote what I suspect is going on in our consciousness when we affirm something – but I decided to erase them.. As all of it was a mere speculation based upon my own personal observation.. All I know for sure, is that they can have a very harmful effect upon our mental and physical wellbeing.
Affirmations to me, feel unnatural, doing them can feel as I’m going against nature or that I’m going completely insane. You may also feel it, intuitively, a nasty feeling in your gut – you may even get some weird symptoms in your body (infections, rashes, skin problems, headaches, back pain etc..). This seems happen to many people. I’ve noticed that as I stop affirming, my energy gets better, my body starts to heal more rapidly, weird symptoms fade away and my mind slowly resets back into more balanced and calm state.
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hunm, I never thought positive self-talks or affirmations could affect cancer patients negatively. I guess he who wears the shoes knows where it pinches. Your post is an eye opener in this regard. This however is not to say that the baby should be thrown out with the bath water. In the few years I have worked with cancer patients in psychotherapy, I have found this method useful in helping the patients adhere to their treatments and some of them have confessed it has helped. I think I will change my method to accomodate those who may be negatively affected by positive self-talks maybe due to their low self esteem or just personal experiences surrounding their illness. Thanks for this post
Elizabeth
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Elizabeth, thank you very much for taking the time to share your experience and your thoughts with us.
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