Hopping Roller Coasters
Rachel Pappas is a regular reader and commentator on Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer, and last November contributed a delightful post to Standing in the Gap with Mamma’s Memories.
Reading this post of sweet memories of her daughter, Marina, growing up, I had no idea of the story that lay behind it – a story of a mother and daughter struggling with bipolar disorder, and the effect this has had on their relationship.
Rachel mailed me a copy of her memoir Hopping Roller Coasters and I literally did not move from the couch one day last week, as I read it from cover to cover in one sitting. Rachel is a terrific writer and just like a roller coaster, her story moves at quite a thrilling pace, taking you from the highs of Marina’s birth, the happy times they shared as a family, and then plunging to the lows of Marina’s school struggles, Rachel’s depression and oh yes..the small matter of Rachel’s breast cancer diagnosis in September 2009.
Rachel writes with brutal honesty of her fierce love for her daughter, but also of how she, by unintentional words and actions compounded Marina’s own predisposition to mental illness.
Throughout Rachel’s cancer treatment, her main concern was always the effect this would have on her daughter, but in the end, cancer was a chance for them to heal their sometimes fractured relationship.
Cancer sucks, but I had another shot at breaking the two steps forward, one step backward pattern in reaching out to my daughter. I had another ‘second chance’—no matter how much longer l lived.
Rachel’s cancer diagnosis was a way for this mother and daughter to get their relationship back on track. It was a way to teach them, and by extension the reader, valuable lessons on love, relationships, and forgiveness.
This book is so well told, with no trace of self-pity, and there is so much love within the pages. I admire the relationship between Rachel and her rock of a husband, Paul, who has stood by her and their daughter through all the difficult times. Rachel’s parents were also a great support, and I felt my heart constrict when reading about her Dad’s diagnosis of cancer towards the end of the book. Rachel’s father passed away on the same day as my Mom last November.
There is also humor in the pages of this book. When discussing among themselves how their friends haven’t asked after Marina when she has been hospitalized, Rachel muses that “if you’ve never experienced it, it’s probably hard to know what to think. Mental illness has such a stigma attached to it. I wonder if they picture her jumping up and down and peeing in corners or something.”
My husband laughed. “I’m thinking maybe this Christmas we should send a card like the ones we get from friends highlighting their kids’ accomplishments that year. Only we could say something like, “Well, Marina’s in jail again. But there’s a silver lining—she’s in detox, and we’re convinced she’s going to do it this time. Meanwhile, her kids are in great foster care homes while she does her time in the big house. Oh, she has four of them now.”
Marina now lives with her boyfriend, and Rachel and her husband are empty nesters. Rachel has set up a website 1UpOnCancer which, just like her memoir is a place ultimately of hope and renewal.
Book Giveaway
Rachel has kindly given me a copy of Hopping Roller Coasters for one Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer reader.
So if you would like to read Rachel’s memoir, then please leave a comment below on any aspect of this story which has touched you.
You can purchase Hopping Roller Coasters both in book and Kindle format from Amazon and IUpOnCancer.
Update on Winner
The first name out of the hat to win a copy of Hopping Roller Coasters is Martine Brennan. Congratulations Martine. I know you will enjoy it as much as I did.
Pingback: Hopping Roller Coasters « Virtual Book Tour
What a great review – I am really struck by how cancer was a way of healing tis mother daughter relationship. I experienced a similar healing in my relationship with my teenage son.
LikeLike
At first I thought this sounds like an intense book but you make it clear that it is so well written and with humor too that it really sounds like a great read.
LikeLike
What a brave mom to write this book – I applaud her. Often we hide our parenting woes for fear of being judged so it takes courage to expose yourself like this. I am sure it will be a help to other parents dealing with the same issues.
LikeLike
Marie:
The more I learn about other cancer survivors, the more I realize cancer is just one of the many things we are all surviving. Life is messy, but it never ceases to amaze me how courageously we stand up to it. Bravo to Rachel for the courage to live her life and tell her story. Thanks to her for being an inspiration and thanks to you, Marie, for your review.
Survival > Existence,
Debbie
LikeLike
You must have known this would catch my eye Marie.. all I can say is that Rachel gets my thumbs up for her honesty. The more of us there are telling our truth, the better the world will be.
LikeLike
Marie,
Thanks so much for a wonderful review of my memoir. I think you beautifully captured what I meant this book to be and your praise goes a long way. Though intentionally (or unintentionally) through what’s probably about your kindness and sensitivity, you let me off the hook by not exposing details of the kinds of things I used to say that I later so regretted.
But but by showing the positive and humor, I think you did very well to convey that while there is darkness, there is light too!
And thank you for kind comments of the rest of you who read Marie’s lovely write up.
Rachel
LikeLike
This book sounds wonderful, and thank you for including exerpts and giving us a feel for what the book is about. I plan to read it!
LikeLike
I appreciate most the excerpt with the wry humour of a possible Christmas letter. Having a son with OCD and/or Asperger’s syndrome, I can totally relate to the sense of frustration when another “brag sheet” appears inside a Christmas card. Facebook can also make people’s lives seem rosier than they really are. I’d love to read this book!
LikeLike
Jan,
Yeah, I mentioned but treaded lightly on the bragging parents. Partly cause if my friends read the book, they’d know who they were. But also to keep it humorous and focus more on the stigmas that come from not understanding what’s foreign to you.
My brother’s had big issues that now suddenly (at age 45) is being called high-functioning autism. Lots of mental illness and learning disabilities in our family. But you know, my daughter is so strong, so smart, so sensitive. And it comes from all she’s been through that it’s gotta be hard to even imagine if you haven’t experienced it. That’s kinda what I feel like telling my friends when I hear again and again about their second college degrees and the big bucks they’re making.
LikeLike
Rachel, I understand completely about treading lightly when it comes to the bragging parents. People can readily recognize themselves in writings by their friends. As you said, they really don’t get it when they haven’t experienced for themselves what it’s like to cope with mental imbalances and disorders.
LikeLike
Clarification on my last post: I meant “That’s kinda what I feel like telling my friends when I hear again and again about their kids’ second college degrees and the big bucks they’re making 🙂
LikeLike
It sounds like a terrific book. Memoir is my favorite genre and you know how I believe in telling one’s own truth, no matter how hard that might be. I applaud Rachel for having courage to speak out about bipolar disorder, parenting struggles and of course, breast cancer. I would love to read it.
LikeLike
Great to read this review and also the comments from readers too
LikeLike
It is so true that behind the facade of “happy families” we really haven’t a clue what is going on – isn’t there a quote about every family is dysfunctional in its own way? If so, it sure is true!
LikeLike
This sounds tremendously honest
LikeLike
Alan, about every family being dysfunctional in its own way: I saw a cartoon once. This woman was sitting behind a counter and above her head was a banner that read “Convention for Functional Families.” Cracked me up.
LikeLike
This title in my queue, and what a great title it is! I know that Rachel, your story, though somewhat different from mine, will have undertones that are much the same. And thank you Marie for posting this.
LikeLike
Maura, and many of you folks here,
I am sure that much of what is in my book really isn’t much different from most of our lives, whether we have dealt with mental illness or not. So much is universal about being human, loving, being loved, making mistakes, trying to be a better person …
LikeLike
As one who has read the book (cover to cover 2 times now as well as MAKING My mother buy a copy on her kindle (kudos for it being in ebook form!) I have to say it is one of the best memoirs of a person living with someone with Bipolar. As someone who lives with a MI myself, I felt she did an AWESOME job of representing her daughter in the most respectful, open, and loving way. A tribute to her love for her beautiful daughter.
LikeLike
R, I want your book and am willing to pay for it even if I recognize myself in it! All my love, L
LikeLike
Aw, Lee and CG, you’re sweet. Lee, I’ve known you so damn long, forever is it? I’m gonna send you FB msg in a few minutes. So be on the look out.
LikeLike
I rarely have time to read for pleasure, but this book was so captivating I took it everywhere until finished….brutally honest, must read….Thank you Rachel for sharing your story and marie, what a great review!
hugs to all, elyn
LikeLike
Hi Elyn, what a great endorsement of Rachel’s book – thanks for taking the time to comment.
LikeLike
Great review of a mother and daughter’s struggles with mental health issues and how they worked through it. Then, there’s the mother’s breast cancer diagnosis and how she worried how this would affect her daughter… It was a time for them to rebuild their mother and daughter relationship. A second chance at life and a 2nd chance at finding that common ground again.
“Hopping Roller Coasters”, this is going to be a good read.
LikeLike
Hi, thanks so much for your comment on Hopping Roller Coasters.
LikeLike