How to talk to your doctor
I was overwhelmed (in a good way) with the response I got to last week’s Empowering the Patient post. If you are interested in this (and I really think we all should take an interest in the topic) please take the time to read the insightful comments from readers. Thank you to those who shared their experiences and their own advice for handling doctor/patient communication. Marcia’s comment is representative of the many wonderful comments”One idea I’ve found helpful…I often say all of the above to the nurse while my vitals are taken. Sometimes that prompts a reminder from nurse to doc – and sometimes they know your file better than doc and can point out info.”
I very grateful to Abigail who took the time to put across the doctor’s point of view. She taught me a valuable lesson in judgement. “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”.
So the conclusion we can reach is that the doctor/patient relationship is a two-way street and both the patient and the doctor share equal responsibility in making sure they understand each other. Poor communication has persistently been shown to be a leading cause of patient complaints against doctors. Here is a check-list of things which may help you at your next doctor’s appointment. If you can think of any others please let us know.
Write down what you want to discuss at your appointment. It is frustrating to leave the doctor’s office and only then remember something you wanted to mention.
Be specific. Be prepared to pinpoint exactly where your ache or pain occurs, how severe it is on a scale of 1 to 10, when it occurs and how often, and what makes it better or worse.
Ask questions. If your doctor suggests a new medication, why is it recommended? If (s)he advises a procedure, ask for all the information about it you can.
Don’t lie. Under certain circumstances and for a variety of reasons, patients can be afraid to tell the truth. One of the most common lies concerns the number of alcohol units which the patient drinks or number of cigarettes smoked. Some researchers estimate that as many as half of all patients tell their doctor they’re taking their medication as prescribed, when in fact they’re not.
Insist on understanding. Can you guess how often doctors ask their patients whether they understand what’s being discussed? Less than 2 percent of the time. Don’t be afraid to interrupt and say, “I’m confused—can you explain that in layman’s terms?” If it helps to take notes or tape-record the conversation, do so. One study showed that after the visit was over, on average, older patients forgot more than 75 percent of what their doctor had said.
A great follow up post Marie. It reminded me of the times and ways I prepared for my Mumbai trip with my mother. I feel empowering yourself as “the patient” is a part of the bigger “empowering yourself”.
As patients, we are at war with out ailments, and as one of the greatest masters says, “If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.”, I realized the first task is to read about and understand the enemy, our disease.
Trying different sources of information helps. I began with Internet for starters. Subsequently, I approached various friends, organizations, institutes, doctors and trusted volunteers for a better and proper understanding. Knowledge is power – thus, the more knowledge we have, the more power we wield.
Marie, with some understanding about the disease, your listed suggestions came as second nature. In my case, I was better prepared for our appointments with the doctor, kept a tab on her test results & treatment, asked relevant clarifying questions and insisted on understanding to my satisfaction. Of course, the preparation helped.
The similarity of my personal experience with your post highlights the efficacy of your suggestions. 🙂
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I was with my father yesterday for his chemotherapy treatment, we met with the doctor first (as we always do) and received discouraging news, I could have used this list, somehow I couldn’t get past the first issue he was telling me about to ask questions about the rest of the issues at hand. These are great guidelines.
Thank you.
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Marie, what happens when you use all of the advice you have listed, speak with kindness not making the doctor wrong and you don’t get the answers you need because the doctor says he has been doing this for 30 years and he knows best?
This actually happened to me 2 days ago so I am going to interview the next oncologist before we begin the relationship. It is a huge decision for me but I just can’t continue in this one sided relationship. I am interested to hear if any of your readers actually changed a doctor in the middle of treatment. Great topic Marie!
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Marie,
I think we could all write a couple of chapters about this topic. Unfortunately cancer is a job. That’s how I approached my treatment and physicians, from the ones I chose to the ones I talked to and decided against (too “one-way” as you said, Luann, is something that doesn’t work for me either). I started reading about breast cancer immediately and once the word was out, had the opportunity to talk to a number of survivors. That helped me as much as anything.
But the bottom line: have a strong idea about your own health, what treatment standards are and also, what you expect from your doctor. Use your intuition, your intelligence and hope. Try to tuck your fear aside (box it up) and don’t let fear drive your decisions.
And by all means, have another set of ears with you for really important appointments. He/she will hear something that you didn’t. Happens every time.
Be wonderful everyone & thanks, Marie.
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I really stress “write it down”. Even for my routine yearly checkup I keep a list on my PDA year round. Everytime I notice a nagging problem I add it to the list. If it goes away or doesn’t rise to a question I can always ignore it when I get to the doctor. I’m often surprised when discussing one problem to be asked “did you ever experience” and realize what I thought was an unrelated, minor symptom I hadn’t planned to mention but had noted helped the doctor pinpoint a diagnosis.
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Hi Marie,
Such empowering comments. I had a breast cancer friend who didn’t want to “bother” her doctor while she went through treatment because he was “so busy.” I think we’ve all experienced busy doctors, but maybe we should approach our health like we would if we were running a business, and our business is our health & our business partner is our doctor and his nurses.
The only other thing I might add to your great list of suggestions is to always ask when your doctor will get your test or lab results back, what the results mean, and what is the next step If they haven’t called when they said they would, and don’t be afraid to call them.
Fear festers in the dark. Knowledge thrives in the light of understanding. Ask, ask, ask until you understand.
XOXOXOX,
Brenda
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I am in awe of all these wonderful comments. They’ve made such a difference to the way I am going to handle my next consultant’s appointment. Thank you for posting this and for everyone’s great comments.
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Wow everyone – once again your comments have been so helpful!
Topsurf I am so sorry to hear about your father and Luann, I know of the issues you have been having with your oncologist but I know that you will find a way through this.
Thank you Marcia, Jody and Brenda for sharing your wisdom and advice. I have certainly learned so much from all your comments and I feel more empowered now as a result.
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Have found this so helpful in dealing with my consultants visit yesterday – took your advice and really feel like I was listened to for the first time. It certainly made me feel empowered. Thank you, thank you!
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Thank you so much for opening up this discussion. I have long been frustrated with the relationship between myself and my oncologist – this post and the comments have given me the confidence to finally do something about it!
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