Poetry Friday

 

Today’s poem was written for Poetry in Pink Breast Cancer fundraiser by Jani Rosado. On her website Musings and Scribbles, Jani states so eloquently that she writes ” to connect, to understand and to speak to the part of you that lives in me, to search for the part of me that lives in you.”  How beautiful! Her words really resonate with me and I thrilled to share her poetry with you here today.

 

 

 

 

 

Today is Mine

They are free of cares at this very moment,
Mami prepares dinner, I watch him sit on the floor with his toys
For just a few more hours, I want to live this… the see them worry free
I sit and watch them move their limbs without a worry in the world.
That will change soon, as it has for me
Once I tell her, every time she lifts that spoon it will be filled with a new knowledge. The rice she stirs will be heavy.
I know that he won’t understand until the effects are visible, when I’m unable to play , when i’m unable to lift him into the air and swing.
I’ll do that in a little while, because for now I can.
Because today is mine.
I know that Mami will remember me as a little girl. When my hair is thinning she will, remember when it was growing in as a toddler. I will see that on her face…I dread that moment.

I look down and remember him at my breast as a newborn,
they were once a glorious miracle, they are now…tick… tick… tickiing
A wave of nausea washes me pale, my stomach tightens with fear.
Mami makes jokes that at first I don’t hear. The sounds are abstract, they shimmer like water… her voice is lovely.
His laugh rises up twinkling like dewdrops on my spirit.
I am resolved and sure that I will dig in my heels, and
I will fight and battle within an inch of my life for the life that she gave me, for the life that i gave him
I’m so afraid of “what within an inch of my life” will feel like
I begin… Mami, te tengo que decir algo…I have to tell you what the doctor said…
**************************

Wracked with indescribable, unimaginable aches I am angry,
This body is no longer mine
It is a pin cushion, it is a bundle of pain, it is an abstract creation
It is theirs, to poke, burn, dismantle and put together again
Resolved to be stronger than the silent killer lurking in my body
Loving hands hold me up when I am weak,
God is in me, He is my strength,
Mami pats my face, her face has new lines,
her broken heart pumping strength into mine
My baby kisses me gently, trying not to press anywhere that will make me wince, it frightens him. He’s so strong, a little man in such a short time
When I am alone, Sweating, cold, I speak into the room,
Affirmation
Today is mine!
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Holding his hand, We joyfully run up the steps to the home that I grew up in,
that we waged war in
My steps have grown confident, I am a warrior
My child is a soldier, My mother a commander
We willed it away, we screamed it away
We cried it away, demanded it away,
how deeply how strongly we prayed it away…
And today at the door Mami smiles a real smile…
A victorious smile, a proud smile
She sits with him on his lap as I stir the rice…
and this, This is all that I wanted
This is all that i fought for
This is all that I needed
These are the moments that I prayed for
And I thank God again that
Today is mine.

 

copyright Jani Rosado 2009