What I Wish People Knew About Depression
My long-standing readers will know how much I admire Therese Borchard’s writing on depression – borne of the years of struggle with this insidious illness. This piece is something which needs to be read by all those who find it hard to understand that depression is not a choice, not something we can just think our way out of. I really like how Therese highlights the contradictory nature of depression – that gratitude and despair can co-exist. Hold on to her words if you are struggling right now ” depression comes and it goes, and in its ebb and flow are found pockets of peace that can sustain a person for the journey.”
dear Marie,
I just spend nearly 2 hours re-reading the original post by Theresa Borchard as well as the hundreds of comments, which were equally as interesting and enlightening as to what we need to understand and how so many of us, even those with depression, just don’t “get it”. I am thankful to have been able to see how pervasive attitudes of the “just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with life” ilk is still the same ‘ole, same ‘ole verbiage even from those who have depression?!. I think what really stands out in the comments section is how depression manifests itself in so many individual ways, that people who suffer intensely for a lifetime often are prone to be in denial because they know others who have the illness, but it doesn’t exactly match their symptoms
there were many, many comments where persons felt, finally, so validated and expressed their wish that what Theresa wrote could be exposed to a much wider audience – so much longing to be understood, to have the stigma erased, to have the freedom to admit to their loved ones that they are severely depressed and have been treated for decade with little success. there were wonderful comments and questions asking how to help a friend or a family member and such wise offerings of how to support them, mostly from sufferers themselves. and many pointed out that well-meant ideas and suggestions to help are often taken as criticisms because they are not within the realm of possibility in light (dark) of what depression is really like.
I saw myself in so much of what I read; the mother of a daughter who has struggled with depression since she was a young child; the ill-educated and bewildered me who was desperate to get help, but my daughter refused at every turn. not being able to realize that it was ME who needed to be educated, to learn how to support my beautiful, broken girl so that I could have understood what she needed – and it wasn’t by trying to “fix” things. later in her young adulthood, being so ill, she made so many horrendous mistakes that ended up nearly destroying the promising life I saw for her…I SAW FOR HER…I often wonder now why I didn’t think to ask what my sweet girl saw for HERSELF?
i am so glad you re-posted this – the most incredibly insightful and truly helpful body of work i have ever read about depression. it has helped me in so many ways, and i am hopeful that now i will be able to be a better, a more aware, more compassionate mother and friend who though has often missed opportunities to lend support in an appropriate manner, can try to be there for my dear daughter to help her know she is not alone. happily, she has of late begun to explore many more resources and be much more pro-active on her behalf. and her psychiatrist and counselor are incorporating grief work to help her after her dad died.
thank you Theresa, and thank you Marie.
with much love,
Karen xoox
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