Coping With Cancer At Christmastime
My first chemotherapy session started on the 15th December 2004, exactly ten days before Christmas. I was violently ill immediately after each session and this usually lasted for a week, tapering off in intensity until it was time for my next session – whereupon it started all over again. On New Year’s Eve my hair started to fall out in clumps. Seven years later, my mother developed a brain tumor and died a few weeks before Christmas. So my thoughts at Christmastime aren’t always filled with mistletoe and magic.
For those of you who are dealing or have dealt with cancer during the holidays do you have any tips to share to help cope with the excesses of the season?
Listen to your body. Take a break when you need to. Be kind and gentle with yourself
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Try to get some exercise in the fresh air. This is true for all of us. It’s a good idea to get out and get moving over the Holidays!
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Learn to say no. If you don’t want to go to a party or a gathering, don’t hesitate to say no and don’t feel guilty about it
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Be realistic in what you can do and adjust your expectations and those of your loved ones.
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Hi Marie,
The holidays can be hard for many of us. My family received the devastating news about my mother’s horrible prognosis on Christmas Eve. I know you have many sad memories that resurface this time of year too, Marie. Not that such memories don’t resurface at other times, but well, you know what I mean. I always say, it’s totally fine to feel a mix of joy and sadness during the holidays too. How could we not feel sadness, too, when we are missing dear ones? And here’s a post I wrote last year about this. Hope you don’t mind if I share it here. Wishing you a holiday season that brings you peace, contentment and moments of joy too, Marie. xo
http://nancyspoint.com/six-tips-to-help-manage-holiday-stress-after-loss-or-a-cancer-diagnosis/
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Thanks for your tips everyone and thanks Nancy for taking the time to leave a link to your own post alongside such a caring and thoughtful reply
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What a relief to know I’m not the only one who isn’t filled with the holiday spirit. My diagnosis didn’t coincide with Christmas, but I don’t enjoy the holiday because it reminds me how much I miss my mom. She was the undisputed queen of all things Christmas (she wore “ugly” Christmas sweaters before it was cool). My husband says that Christmas was my mom’s Super Bowl. She was the life of every party and accomplished every last little niggling holiday task with ease and joy. I, on the other hand, am a Scrooge and count the days until the whole kit & kaboodle is over. Thanks for posting this and reiterating that I’m not alone in thinking Bah humbug! xo
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Oh Nancy I feel your pain. Your Mom sounds like the most wonderful person and I know just how much you miss her. I just remembered you wrote me something lovely right after my own Mom died and I published it here on the blog. I must re-post it next week. Hugs xxx
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Hubby and I are escaping this Christmas to the wilds of Southern California (deserts actually). Most of my adult life I’ve hated Christmas. Last year I went in for surgery Dec 17 and was in the hospital for five days. I thought that I might be happy on my 1 year cancer free day, but alas, I was sad. Mostly I was mourning all that I lost over this last year, rather than what I gained. And so, as I’m enjoying the wilderness I’m going to try to practice gratitude. I’m going to try to think of the things that I’m grateful for, like having the opportunity to meet you and spend a little time with you while you were here. All my new friends. I am definitely grateful for them!
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What a lovely message Becky. I am so glad I got to hang out with you this year. Your words are a reminder that it is ok to do the holidays whatever way you want .. have a wonderful time!
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Take good care of yourself and don’t overdo anything. My relatives decorated the tree and took care of boxes. I have enough to worry about with scans and steroids, so this was a big help.
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Sending loving thoughts your way Jan xxxx
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I am sorry you have some sad associations with the holidays, Marie.
I found my lump during December and was told I needed a biopsy on the 18th. It was the second worst Christmas I ever had. (The first was watching my mama go through cancer. I also lost her on Jan. 2.) So the holidays are super hard for me, not to mention my family lives outside of the U.S.
I suggest that if you don’t live close to your family, to try to connect with them in any way that you can (even if they don’t initiate the communication). I also suggest relaxing. We get caught up doing daily life things and perhaps this is the time when we don’t do much, but just pause and relax. I take this time to reconnect with my old memories — looking through old photos, reaching out to people I haven’t spoken to in a while and writing my memories about my mama.
I hope you are able to find a sense of peace during this holiday.
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Hi Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear you lost your Mom to cancer too. It’s such a cruel disease which robs us of our loved ones too soon. Thinking of you this holiday season x
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She was my grandma but she raised me from day 1 until the age of 14. The biggest loss I’ve had. I will be thinking of you too. xx
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Hi Marie, I remember from when I worked in general practice as a nurse, how many burdens people carry around Christmas. I found on the run up people found reasons to come in to talk…just to be heard. So if you can find people who are willing to hear your wakened grief, who allow you to be sad. But also find joy in the holiday if you can. In whatever and however small, it will help lift your sprits too.
I’m finding this Christmas joyful as I spend it with family, mixed with a grief for my current situation, my cancer having returned and a January with significant surgery to look forward to. I’m trying to stay in the moment and not to push myself too much. Self compassion is my goal this time round.
I wish you joy and good people around you.
Audrey xxx
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What a beautiful message Audrey – thank you for sharing with such compassion and openness. Wishing you peace, joy and healing this Christmastime x
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Yes, learning to say no is crucial. Audrey’s message also resonates with me, too, as a clinician and patient. So many of us have lost loved ones near the holidays. And so many people are overwhelmed with health crises at this time of year. I just visited a patient this week who’d just had surgery (not for cancer) and is in pain and can’t walk on her own. Her husband was thinking that they could still have their twelve usual Christmas guests for dinner. She thought he was crazy and wasn’t up to it at all. I gave her permission to say no, and to blame it on me if she needed to. Bearing witness and giving people permission to set their own limits and feel how they feel is crucial. It’s just a day, after all. We all need to heal in our own time. xoxo, Kathi
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Sometimes we need that permission to say no Kathi – so let’s all give ourselves that permission this year. Wishing you health, happiness and joy this holiday season x
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You, too, Marie. xoxo
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Holidays are so hard when a loved one is noticeably absent or a strong memory of something upsetting is so dominant – and having more time to think in the holidays makes it even more front of mind doesn’t it.
This year our dinner table will be filled with those that remain, all hoping to remember my mum and pay tribute.
I also hope to create new happy memories of Christmas with each other. I’m so grateful that I still have the rest of them and that we all support each other.
I hope everyone finds their peace with the things they have had to deal with.
With love, Alice
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Hello dear Alice, I so often think of you and your Mum. Wishing you peace, joy and good health this Christmas x
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