Reclaiming intimacy after cancer

A few days ago I wrote a piece on dating after cancer, which touched on the issues of body image and intimacy. Now experts at The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center are offering survivors advice on how to recalaim that intimacy which may have become lost in their relationship with their partner.

“The majority of the women I see say that their partners are very understanding throughout their treatment,” said Mary K. Hughes, R.N., C.N.S., a clinical nurse specialist in M. D. Anderson’s Psychiatry Department. “However, some women who have completed their treatment, have trouble with intimacy and say that they would like to be more interested in sex.”

Any couple’s ability to maintain a healthy relationship relies, in part, on their ability to interact, relate and be intimate as they make challenging and life-affirming transitions throughout life. For the partner of a cancer patient, that means being an active part of their companion’s treatment.

“It’s important for partners to continue reassuring and complimenting her because a woman initially might have a hard time believing that her partner finds her attractive,” said Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D., a professor in M. D. Anderson’s Department of Behavioral Science and a licensed clinical psychologist.

Once a woman has been treated for cancer, she may develop a negative body image as a result of surgeries, or because of scarring. Although it is natural to have a difficult time accepting a change to the body, it is extremely important that women not project their own negative feelings onto their partner.

“What the woman needs to remember is that she is usually more upset about the changes to her body than her partner is,” Schover said.

“I have talked to a lot of partners, and the truth is that they are just happy that the woman they love is alive,” Hughes said. “They are not concerned about a scar or an imperfect breast. A woman shouldn’t think that her partner isn’t comfortable with her new body.”

For additional information, visit www.mdanderson.org/focused