What Do You Say To A Co-Worker With Cancer?
When I teach blogging classes, one of the questions I get asked the most, is how do I know what content my readers will be interested in. There are several answers to this, but one of the most obvious is to check which search terms people are using to find your blog. Today I noticed an interesting question pop up in the search terms on my own blog.
What do you say to a colleague who returns to work after cancer?
I’ve written before about the experience of returning to work for the person with cancer, but it would be constructive to hear your thoughts on how co-workers could help ease the transition. My initial thought is how great that this person wants to say the right thing to their co-worker. To recap my earlier advice to those returning to work, one of the difficulties that people with cancer report is having to deal with the myths and misperceptions of what a diagnosis of cancer means. Despite more awareness and openness when it comes to discussing cancer, there are still those who believe that a diagnosis is a death sentence, or that cancer is somehow contagious, or that cancer means you are now less productive as a worker or team member. In this situation a lack of communication will only make the situation more difficult, so strive for open and honest communication with your work colleagues. Reassure them that you are doing ok and that you still want to be a valued member of the team. If there are things that you are not ready to undertake initially, then be honest, and ask for help if you need it.
Thinking back to my own experience of returning to work, I found that no one acknowledged my absence or illness. I would have liked someone to go for coffee with me and ask me how I am feeling about returning to work and if there is anything I need from my co-workers to help me adjust in the short-term. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Did you take time off work when you were in treatment? Was it difficult to return to your job? How did your colleagues and co-workers respond to you? How do you wish they had responded? What would have been most helpful for you at the time? A lot of questions I know, but I think it’s an important question and it would be valuable to hear your thoughts.
The only “real” time I took off was during my actual surgical recovery time, other than that i made it to work full time nearly every day. There were a few days that i just couldn’t do it, so I didn’t. I was extremely fortunate to have very supportive co-workers and boss. They were always asking how I was doing and making dinners for my family and on my treatment days every other week they all wore pink in my honor, even the men! When I run into someone at work that I know is going through the same as I did I will always advise them that if something doesn’t feel right or sound right it probably isn’t. Question everything until you understand what is going on and are comfortable with it. Always, always, always get a second opinion from a specialist (I live in an area where you could die before getting a right diagnosis and I would have had I not gone to Boston for a second opinion from a real doctor). You can never have too much information from which to draw conclusions from. I always try to be a supporter for others while still minding my own business.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment here about your experience Marcy. You were lucky to have such supportive colleagues!
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I wish my co-workers had been as supportive as Marcy’s. While mine expressed concern that I had to go through treatment, they seemed more interested in talking about their fear of going for a ‘routine’ mammogram. I was a reminder of their fears, which were close to the surface.
When someone lets you know they have cancer, I think it’s best to respond as soon as possible, letting them know your concern without overwhelming them. I appreciated cards that were reminders of their care and were an invitation to talk when I was ready.
Thanks for opening up this discussion, Marie.
Best to you,
Connie
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I love your advice Connie – it’s so spot-on. Thank you.
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