On Owning Our Stories
I had an unsettling experience last weekend in which I had to leave an event I was attending because I felt very uncomfortable. The reason why I left was something quite personal and even here where I feel free to express myself, I don’t feel able to write about the reason yet. In reflecting on this I thought of Brene Brown’s quote:
When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.
In essence, through not being able to face the truth of my own story, I couldn’t bear to be in that situation. Perhaps I should have stayed and faced the truth uncomfortable as it was, rather than running away.
Is there a part of your story which you find difficult to face up to? Or have you learned to own your story? I’d really love to hear your thoughts on this.
Dear Marie, I wish I could give you a hug. I think we have to forgive ourselves for being fallible, vulnerable humans before we can own difficult parts of our own stories. I don’t know why it’s so hard sometimes to forgive ourselves, but I think it often has to do with feeling deeply hurt or powerless or both. xoxo, Kathi
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh Kathi, what a beautiful message – thank you my dear x
LikeLike
You are facing your story in your own way and at your pace. The act of sharing your discomfort is one of the many steps you have already taken you brave and beautiful woman!
LikeLike
Wow, I just had an aha moment reading your comment Cara – thank you!!
LikeLike
I agree with Cara. Sometimes in the heat of the moment it’s difficult to process what you’ve just experienced. It can take time to know how you want to address the concern. If it’s truly important to you, you will find a way to get your message across to the people who made you feel uncomfortable — whether they intended to do so, or not.
LikeLiked by 1 person
When the time is right, you will tell the story. You will find the right audience to whom you tell it. Allow yourself the time to get to that “TIME and PLACE” of releasing the rest of the story. YOU will know when… YOU will know where and how to tell it. IN the meantime, take good care of you. Take plenty of deep breaths. Get plenty of rest. KNOW that you did what you had to do at that time of leaving an event. It was a smart move to listen to yourself. Continue to hold your head up high and enjoy what time you have to do what you can do!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gosh thanks Anna – this was just what I needed to hear x
LikeLike
Marie, Keep your chin up! Take care of you first! If that means getting up and walking out… do it. May your journey get smoother!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course we all should stand up bravely and own our stories and our discomfort, but some days we’re knackered, and some days we need more of a run up than others, and some days we’re strong, and some days we’re just not in the mood. Recognising the discomfort, naming it, understanding it – that’s the first bit of the whole process, isn’t it? Once you’ve recognised what it is and why it’s there you can start to gently do something about it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sarah, thank you – this is such a simple but profound statement. I am so grateful to you for reading and commenting here. Your words have really helped me.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on retired work and commented:
Some days it is okay to run. If you are just saying to yourself: “I can not do this” that could be dread. I would then go. If I know it is more pain, excitement or even joy I do not want to take on, I can just quietly leave and take care of myself. I think of it as a menu of options: if I want blueberry pancakes today; I do not disparage the chocolate chip waffles. If I want coffee, I go ahead and have it knowing for me, tea is better for my system. Choices, choices.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Donna, this is such wonderful advice. I honestly never thought of things this way and it really helps me reframe the experience. Thank you!
LikeLike
I really relate to what to are saying Marie. I felt this at my most recent event, and it’s so deep that even though I blogged about the event and mentioned I felt emotional, I didn’t want to get to the core of all the things I am feeling. I have written many posts not published and I too am not yet ready to speak about deep personal pain.
We all need to make sure we are give time for ourselves, and sometimes it’s hard to balance. You are such a strong and worthy person, who works so hard to help others. Remember you are surrounded by love. xoxo 💜💕💝
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Susan, thank you for sharing this with me. We should try to catch up properly soon – maybe a skype call? I miss you x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Marie, I don’t think you needed to stay. The situation shined a spotlight. That was a step toward healing. You did what you could handle right then and perhaps tomorrow you’ll take another baby step or two toward healing. Always when you’re ready.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Eileen you are so wise and so kind.. thank you my dear friend and I hope you are getting some much rest on your vacation x
LikeLiked by 1 person
No one has ever owned 100% of their story…not even the Dalai Lama…because we are taught that there are things we can say out loud and things we cannot. Yet I saw you, my dear Marie, present your story on stage. And it was grand!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Denise, how nice of you to read and comment., I really appreciate your kind words x
LikeLike
Thanks so much for this, Marie. I had an “aha” moment of my own a few years ago, which was this: I am under no obligation to disclose my personal opinions/experience/concerns/outrage/deepest darkest thoughts just because I have the opportunity to do so right now. Another opportunity will always present itself.
Sometimes disclosure happens after thoughtful consideration about getting my perspectives and purpose clear, sometimes they turn into (much later) blog posts, sometimes I just launch into a full-blown rant (which, I’ve noticed, rarely gets me what I hope for). In our family, we have a saying about over-sharing, e.g. he’s “never had an unexpressed thought.” It’s not so much about “denying the story”, but it’s more about picking and choosing carefully who hears those thoughts. Your story isn’t going anywhere; it will always be there for you… ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
And now I’ve had another aha moment reading your wise counsel Carolyn. I’m blown away particularly by that last sentence “your story isn’t going anywhere; it will always be there for you… ♥ thank you so much x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes I feel the need to pause and step away from my story. This happens when I am super down or don’t have enough energy to feel like I can properly share my story with the energy it deserves.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Mandi, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment here – food for thought in what you say!
LikeLike
Oh Marie, such powerful words and thoughts. Sometimes we only realise that there is a story we need to own when these moments happen. I wish you strength as this story processes. Love and hugs xxx
LikeLike
Thank you dear Philippa – I know that you are also on quite a journey with your own story too x
LikeLiked by 1 person