Weekly Round Up: The No Make-Up Selfie Special

Time for this week’s round-up of the best of the blog posts which I’ve read over the past week. These are the posts that have moved me, taught me something, inspired me, and which I’ve wanted to share with you. Don’t forget if you have written a post which you would like readers to see, just leave a comment below.

I’d chosen not to comment on the no make-up selfie craze, but some of the blogs I’ve read this week prompted me to share some important insights. Let’s set aside the objections based on how this craze increases cancer awareness; and let’s take it as a given, that it’s a positive thing that so many cancer charities reported an upsurge in donations; let’s instead dig deeper into the meaning behind women taking a picture of themselves without make-up and sharing it with the world as a sign of “bravery”.

Tric asks the question on her blog : “With the numbers doing “no make up selfies” rising every day, I wonder at the title “brave”. Why is it brave to be the you you are. Is it really brave at all?” Katy answers that question on her blog:

I want women to be considered brave for being brave, not for looking “other.” I want people to give cancer patients credit for staring death in the face and shrugging their shoulders, not for coping with disfigurement with grace. As women help their children plan their futures, knowing full well they might not be there to witness them, I want people to notice the resigned and wistful look in their eyes, not the hair on their heads or the swell of flesh lying on top of their broken hearts.

You can read similar themes echoed on Diane’s latest post as she writes about image and on Chris’ Cancer blog.

It’s Mother’s Day down under this weekend and back home in Ireland.  I find it very difficult; too many reminders of loss and sadness.  Not just the loss of my beloved Mum, but the pain every day of not being a mother myself, or as my friend Martine calls it,  the sadness of being an invisible mother. This is captured so eloquently by my another of my dear friends, June, in her blog:

I have learned to perfect my “how wonderful face” when women I know tell me they are expecting their second, third and fourth babies. I ask all the right questions, “when are you due”, “how are you feeling?” “Are you going to the Rotunda again?” “Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?” Then I go home and dissolve into tears, rally against the unfairness of it all and berate myself for not being able to do what it seems like every other woman I know can do, and my heart breaks all over again.

Beth has provocatively titled her latest blog The Lies They Told Me –  it’s a topic that divides the cancer community, taking in as it does the imperative to think positively, to always look on the bright side. It also raises questions about hope vs false hope.  Gai Comans has a slightly different take on this topic, but it’s a take that works well for many cancer survivors. Whatever your thoughts on this, be true to yourself. Don’t feel pressured to think positively if that is not what you are naturally inclined to do; equally don’t feel you have to hide your silver linings if that is what is true for you. All I ask is that we continue to respect each other’s right to handle cancer in the way that is most aligned to our true selves.

Dana Jennings who expressed the cancer experience so well in his New York Times articles is quoted this week by the Cancer Curmudgeon. She uses it to good effect in capturing the fact that cancer is not a one-off event in our lives, but something that begins on the day of diagnosis and continues for the rest of our lives. This is a theme echoed on Philippa’s latest post.

It’s important to me that I can share stories from other blogs not about breast cancer. It illustrates the universality of our experience. Justine’s post about maintaining balance is relevant to us all.

“People keep dying. Each time a brother or sister in mets dies I lose a friend, a confidante, a supporter. I lose someone who really, truly, absolutely gets it.” writes Knot Telling on her blog. This week we lost Cindy and Jessica from our online world. We mourn their loss as keenly as those we know and love in our “real” worlds.

It’s Mother’s Day down under this weekend and back home in Ireland.  I find it very difficult; too many reminders of loss and sadness.  Not just the loss of my beloved Mum, but the pain every day of not being a mother myself, or as my friend Martine calls it,  the sadness of being an invisible mother. This is captured so eloquently by my another of my dear friends, June, in her blog:

I have learned to perfect my “how wonderful face” when women I know tell me they are expecting their second, third and fourth babies. I ask all the right questions, “when are you due”, “how are you feeling?” “Are you going to the Rotunda again?” “Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?” Then I go home and dissolve into tears, rally against the unfairness of it all and berate myself for not being able to do what it seems like every other woman I know can do, and my heart breaks all over again.

At the time of my cancer treatment, Lee Ann Womack’s version of I Hope You Dance, seemed to be playing all the time. I adopted it as the sound track to cancer, and the words still make me well up whenever I hear them now. I was reminded of them again when I read Elizabeth’s post “Next Time I’ll Dance. How About You?”

Helen’s Lymphedema blog is regularly featured here on the Round-Up and it is a great resource to have. This week, Helen guests on Nancy’s Point to share more of her story.

Reading Audrey’s blog you cannot help but get a sense of the values she stands for in life – compassion and equality being uppermost. Her latest post shares some great insights into disruptive innovation and change.

I’ve said it here many times, but I’m sure you wont’ mind if I say it again.. one of the best things for me now that I’ve been blogging here for 5 years is watching other new blogs come along, grow and develop. So it gives me a real thrill to see how Catherine has (to use her words) grown up online. Catherine, I am loving your new blog.

Elsewhere in the blogoshphere….

Great to see Renn blogging again – check out her letter to her sixteen-year-old self – packed full of great advice.

Katherine’s latest blog is a must read for everyone who wants to learn the true facts about breast cancer.

Scorchy has information on some upcoming conferences for those with metastatic breast cancer.

A lovely piece by Debbie on being mindful of the present moment.

Lisa Adams has an update on trying another chemo regimen, feeling tired, and appreciating help of friends and neighbors.

1 Up On Cancer has advice on palliative radiation.

Michael writes about the death of his mother from breast cancer.

Lisa writes about something which many of us seem to face – insomnia.

Anne Marie is writing about advocating for mental illness.

Finally, this week Katie shares a beautiful poem by David Whyte on her blog and I want to end this round-up with some words from it to take you into a new week.

But then,
when you heard that voice, you had to go.
You couldn’t sit by the fire, you couldn’t live
so close to the live flame of that compassion
you had to go out in the world and make it your own
so you could come back with
that flame in your voice, saying listen…
this warmth, this unbearable light, this fearful love…
It is all here, it is all here.

Until next week.

Be that flame of compassion; light the darkness for another.

Yours with love

Marie xxx