Reflections on my 4th blogoversary
Logging onto my WordPress dashboard this morning, I was greeted with this message:
So, it’s been four years since I started out on my blogging journey with the aim of coming to a greater understanding of the impact of a cancer diagnosis as we journey beyond the treatment phase. I started off with my own story but as I realized that my story is the story of so many of us, I wanted to share your stories too so we could lessen feelings of isolation. A diagnosis of cancer leaves a common legacy which in many ways we share, but equally our experience differs from each other in many ways too. This is why I encourage guest posts on the JBBC blog, so that we can learn from each other’s stories. I hope we learn that we are not alone and that while our experiences differ sometimes, we share a common bond of learning to live with grace and courage with the challenges of our lives.
I also came to understand the universality of the themes of grief, loss, gratitude and compassion which unites us – not just because of cancer, but because of other life challenges. In the past four years, I have gone through the loss of my much longed for babies, my beloved mother and periods of depression and despair. Together we have mourned the loss of dear friends (I am thinking particularly of Rachel as we approach the first anniversary of her death) who we miss sorely. Through it all we have found understanding and a shared feeling of support and compassion.
We have also celebrated our joys and triumphs together and one of the greatest pleasures for me has been watching how many of you have grown through your first tentative beginnings in the blogosphere to become a voice to be reckoned with!
I have quoted Sunday Times columnist Sally Brampton before, but I think it bears repeating. While she is writing about depression here, I believe the following words are very apt for our own blogging community.
The way that I deal with my depression these days is to talk about the way I truly feel, and not the way I think other people would like me to feel. I am rarely right about that anyway. And I have discovered that when I break the treaty of silence, I am amazed to find how many people will join me.
I know that some people find such notions of honesty and vulnerability impossible, if not abhorrent. Most of us have never learned the vocabulary of intimacy. We simply don’t know how to express our feelings. Perhaps some of us don’t need to but it’s more, I think, that most of us are frightened so we hide behind a carefully constructed social self. Much of that self is unhelpful; it is a brick wall behind which we find ourselves trapped, frightened of not being, as the therapeutic phrase goes, “good enough.”
Curiously, the best antidote to the not good enough culture is to say it out loud. We live in an imperfect world. We are imperfect beings. The more we share that, the better we will feel.
We get so conditioned not to show our natural frailty that we forget that vulnerability is a precious thing. It’s what makes us human. It is what heals us because it is connection and not separation that makes us whole.
Life is about connection. There is nothing else.
I truly believe that life is all about connection and compassion, and as I enter another year of writing this blog, I want to re-dedicate myself to these ideals. I do hope you will continue to journey with me on this path of connection, compassion, and healing.
Marie, so glad you’re here and Happy Bloggoversary. You make a positive difference and I, for one, am glad I connected with you through your blog.
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Thanks so much Eileen – it has been lovely to connect with you since the start of the year – looking forward to reading your blog over the coming months.
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You bring tears to my eyes, dear Marie….
When I think back to my own VERY tentative beginnings and I see where I have landed, I am still stunned. I cherish you and I am forever grateful for all you continue to do for a large community of (mostly) women. There is such respect and kindness and genuine concern among us.
Congrats, my friend. Well Done… Very VERY well done…
Much love,
AnneMarie
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Thank you dear Anne Marie – and of course when I refer to voices to be reckoned with, you know I am thinking of you!
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Congrats to you! The blogging world is a better place with you in it!
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oh what a lovely thing to say – thank you!
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Beautifully stated! Happy ‘versary to you from across the pond. Beth
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Hi Beth, thanks for taking the time to comment – I am looking forward to checking out your blog 🙂
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Oh, Marie, “breaking the treaty of silence,” was such an essential step for so many of us. Thank you.
y
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It has been a joy to see your blog grow Yvonne and I look forward to seeing where the next stage on your journey takes you x
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I consider myself blessed to have stumbled upon this blog and still get a thrill when something I’ve written is included by you! You have taught me, and many of us, so much, and remain a beacon as we each move forward in our own journeys. Congratulations, Marie!
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Lori, you have been instrumental in opening my eyes to the realities of another stage of the survivorship experience – what happens when cancer comes back. Before I joined the blogosphere it was a place I didn’t want to entertain but thanks to you and other spirited writers, that has all changed. Thank you for all YOU do!
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Just think how many lives you have touched in those four years! Reaching out to others was an important step in my own recovery. Talking (and writing) about my feelings allowed me to accept them and move on to a place of healing . . . and hope. Congratulations, Marie. I know that many more women will benefit as you continue to blog.
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I really appreciate you taking the time to comment and I do agree that writing is important part of the therapeutic process in recovery.
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Very nice Marie. I think you have helped us all learn the vocabulary of intimacy and that we have grown and found comfort from it. I know you’ve had a rough time and as you know, your am my lives parallel in so many ways (well, as you said, all of ours here do). I admire you for continuing to stay so engaged in so many important things. You may not have a birth child at this time, but you’re like our Mom 🙂 Yeah, I know, I’m like 12 or more years older than you, but hey, you still have that nurturing mom thing going! xxoo
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oh, marie,
your compassion, honesty, and presence has made such a difference in my life. i treasure being able to connect, to join with others to “break the treaty of silence”, and find such inspiration and hopefulness reading your blog. congratulations on your 4 years in the blogosphere!
much love, xoxo
karen, TC
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Karen, how sweet of you – thank you so much for your kind comments x
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I’m in! Your blog helped me to realize how many BC bloggers were out there. Were it not for you, I would not have discovered most of them, so many of them I consider my friends, as I do you. Please keep blogging, Marie!
PS On a more sobering note, Rachel has only been gone just one year. Though it feels like two years ago, February will be the first anniversary of her death. ;-(
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oh my goodness it is really only a year Renn – I think I was thinking she died before my mom – thanks for the correction – have fixed it in the post now
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happy blogoversary Marie – you opened my eyes to a whole new world of like minded people – even though I don’t blog, I love to read everyone’s thoughts – it makes me feel so much less alone
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Congratulations Marie, and many thanks for the insights and connections!
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Thanks @speccy – it’s been good to connect with you recently in the blogosphere
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You are a shining light in the breast cancer community. Happy anniversary!
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aw Jackie thank you x I can still remember the first time I discovered you online via your poetry 😉
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Hi Marie,
Thank you for your honesty about all your challenges. We all know the courage and generosity that takes. It’s a pleasure to travel the journey with you. Looking forward to the next phase. Happy anniversary indeed.
Audreyxx
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looking forward to our plans for future colloboration Audrey 🙂
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Hi Marie, I cannot tell you everything I would like to in one little comment here, but know this, your blog is a shining example of how connection and compassion truly make a difference. The way you accept, embrace and encourage your readers is truly remarkable. You’ve created a place where others feel safe to share and that’s a wonderful gift. I’m so pleased to count you as not only a fellow blogger, but a dear friend. Happy anniversary, Marie.
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Nancy, I am humbled and deeply touched by your words – you packed a lot into your comment! Thank YOU xxx
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Hi Marie. Lovely post. I think your efforts help encourage us – to feel what we feel, but also to communicate and connect. I’m so grateful for your encouragement, and I’m thankful that you’ve been generous enough to share your experiences. Happy anniversary!!!!
Elaine
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thanks Elaine – wishing you all the best in your future haiku blogging efforts 🙂
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Happy anniversary, Marie – and congratulations on your achievement in building such a wonderful community. Hip hip….!!!
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hello Liz 🙂 lovely to see you here and thanks for the kind comments x
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Happy anniversary! What an amazing thing that you have accomplished! I am so glad to have found you. You have enriched my life.
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Oh Lois, your beautiful writing and poetry has certainly enriched mine immeasurably – thank YOU!
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Hello Marie. I am teary-eyed reading your post. Congratulations on four years of sharing stories and helping this community be a community. My first guest-post for JBBC was just after my mastectomy and I was learning the benefits of a bra-free life. My goodness, a lot of water has gone under the bridge since then. And while you’ve enjoyed watching us, I’ve found inspiration in watching you. The work you do for social media & communications is fantastic; you’re paving the way for a new patient-doctor dynamic. I can’t help but look up to both you and your work.
Congrats and keep sharing.
Catherine
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Catherine, I do hope we get to meet in real life one of these days – there’s been a lot of water gone under the bridge for both of us since we first met online indeed!
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Your quote from Sally Brampton really touched me like you always do Marie. I am so thrilled you have been on this journey for four years and are so accomplished! I am also so honored that you have read and included some of my blogs. You have an incredible gift. You have inspired so many of us and have brought together a community of bloggers in such a unique way while you also accomplish so much more. Thank you Marie. Congratulations! Here’s to many more years!
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Susan, thank you – your words really touched me – I am so glad to have met you along the way and look forward to deepening our connection in the coming year x
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Congratulations, Marie! Four years – no small task…. Best always, Elaine
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I appreciate the kind wishes Elaine – thank you for taking the time to comment.
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HI Marie–
I read this post this morning and was inspired and humbled by the words of you and the commenters. Thank you for being vulnerable and offering a safe haven for others to be the same. I would love to write a post at some point sharing from my view as the nurse caregiver–let me know if you would ever be interested. All the best in the year ahead.
Paige
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Yes! I would love that. I have just sent you an email – thanks for offering
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Marie your words are beautiful, congratulations on 4 years of blogging touching and changing people’s lives through your transparency and genuine love for people. I consider you a long distant sister whom I am greatful for. You have made such a difference in my life. Thank you. Long distant hugs from North Carolina:)
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Congrats! Wishing you many, many more blogoversaries!
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Your an inspiration to the blogsphere dearest Marie. Keep up the good work ❤
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I just stumbled across your blog today. It’s quite extraordinary and I’m finding all kinds of things that really soothe my spirit. I also blog (not about my cancer but sometimes the topic slips into a post or two) and I know how much work it is – just how much of yourself you can pour into it. So congratulations and I wish you many more years of blogging joy. 🙂
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Nice “meeting” you today. I look forward to getting to know you better. This was a nice, good place to start. Happy Anniversary! And I loved what you shared from Sally. I may have to “steal it” for my blog at some point. 🙂
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