Light up a life
We buried my mother yesterday and her funeral, as befitted this beloved woman, was beautiful, dignified, prayerful and filled with love and friendship. All these characteristics she possessed in abundance and they are her legacy to her family who grieve her loss so deeply.
I woke this morning to a terrible sense of desolate loss and emptiness, wondering what I do now. A funeral provides a structure to grieving that is so necessary, but in the Christian tradition that is all too brief. The Jewish practice of Shiva seems far more fitting at this time – a seven-day period of intense mourning to guide mourners through the loss and pain and gradually ease them back into the world.
I realized while reading some more about the tradition, that my family have been following some of the observances instinctively in our mourning. The first thing we did when we arrived back at my parents’ house the day my mother died was to light a candle and we have kept one burning since. In the Jewish tradition, a memorial candle is lit for the duration of Shiva to represent the deceased’s soul and as a reminder that their soul is eternal.
My mother’s last days were spent in the care of Our Lady’s Hospice in Dublin and next Sunday, 4th December, their annual Light Up a Life ceremony will take place. The Christmas tree which stands in its grounds will be lit up with thousands of sparkling lights, shining for loved ones we have lost.
This year, they have launched a website to spread the light around the world and so that people will be able to record their precious memories and share them with a supportive international community of family and friends.
If you would like to remember your own lost dear ones by sponsoring a light in their memory, you can do so at www.lightupalife.ie.
Once again, I want to thank you all for the kindness, support, love and friendship you have shown to me over the past difficult weeks. What you have written both here and in emails to me are words I have taken deeply to heart and they will continue to comfort and strengthen me in the sad days to come.
It was a beautiful funeral Marie and your reading was beautiful. I know what you mean, burial less than two days after a death makes it all very swift and I can understand why you must be feeling so empty this morning xx
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Beautiful, thank you.
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Marie,
Waking up to that feeling of loss, loneliness and emptiness will probably go on for quite some time. Even at my age, I remember thinking I had no idea how to be a daughter without a mother. I’m still figuring it out. Just like with cancer, you take it one day at a time. Some days will be better or worse than others. It won’t be easy, but you’ll get throught the tough days too. And it’s so like you to be thinking of others even as you grieve. The Light Up a Life ceremony and website sound lovely. Hugs.
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I say, sit shiva if you want to! Create your own traditions that work for you. Do something you love each and every day, even if it’s just smelling the aroma of your mom’s favorite tea or flower. I wore my father’s nightshirt every evening for 6 months. It just made me feel better.
My very deepest condolences, Marie.
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marie, i agree with renn. mourn as you need to. grief has its own timeline.
i am glad your mother’s funeral suited her so well. sending you so much love.
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Marie,
I am holding you close in my thoughts. The hospital where my dad died is around the corner from a very dear friend. She’s not lived there very long. Some time within the past sixty days, I was leaving her home. It was close to midnight. As I drove past the emergency entrance (where my dad “coded”), my car turned itself right into the parking lot. I pulled into a dark spot and sobbed my eyes out. My dad has been gone since July of 2007. I had an overwhelming need to pour out my grief in that moment. Continue to honor your feelings. It never stops hurting and the hurt runs deep. It just gets a bit easier to function as the days turn into weeks, months, years….
Much love,
AnneMarie
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Marie, what a beautiful posting, and once again I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. I am Jewish and the shiva tradition is healing and restorative. I agree with the above comments and say mix traditions however you see fit.
Sending you cyberhugs.
— Beth
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Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space. It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe. It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished. ~Michael Strassfeld
From within or from behind, a light shines through us upon things, and makes us aware that we are nothing, but the light is all. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.” Rabindranath Tagore
Marie – In the words of Rainer Rilke in his 8th letter of “Letters to A Young Poet” – “I can say almost nothing that is helpful, hardly anything useful.” This letter gives me great solace during my saddest times.
I have been thinking so much about light this past week that your post today is even more poignant for me today. I found the quotes above and they made me think of you.
I am sitting shiva with you. Knowing I can not say or do anything to make you feel better, but sitting here right beside you, all the same.
Hugs,
Terri
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Terri, these quotes are just beautiful, as is your comment – thank you so very much xxx
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Dear One, thank you for sharing. That was beautiful.
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May she dance with the stars and when she rests, may it be in peace.
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Love to you, Marie. I’ll light a candle for you and your mother’s memory.
Katie
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Marie, what you wrote is just so beautiful, touching and provoking. Sitting shiva makes so much sense from many perspectives. I pray that the candle you lit for your beloved mum stays illuminated even after the seven days, as a reminder of the eternal. I’m sure it will never be extinguished in your heart and soul. You have been so much on my mind and in my prayers.
Much love,
Jan
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Marie,
I can only imagine the strength you’ve needed to get thru these last difficult weeks and the long road ahead until you heal. I know you are the same beautiful, thoughtful woman as your mother so when you miss her more than you can bear, search for her within for she is with you and in many ways, she is you.
Love,
Brenda
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I am so so sorry to hear, and incredibly touched by your beautiful words. What a tribute to your relationship.
We have lit a candle in our prayer room here, thinking of you
Philippa
xxx
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sorry to hear. but still this beautiful relationship and very good post…
may god blessing be with you..
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