Becoming Real
I never got to read Margery Williams Velveteen Rabbit when I was a child, but later, in one of my previous career incarnations working as a Montessori teacher, I loved to read this story to my class. I was going through some boxes in the attic over the weekend and came across the book again and sat and read it with delight..and some tears. I realised in the twenty years since I sat and read it to my class of 4 year olds, life has made me much more “real” than I was then. I invite you today to read this extract and perhaps think about some of the circumstances which have made you more real in your life.
Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
I just loved this post so much!! One of my all time classic favourite books – and yes, what a great message – thank you for sharing.
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I need to go hunt out my old copy of this book now that you reminded me of this wonderful story 🙂
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“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
Well I am not so sure that we don’t mind being hurt, but yes, it does hurt to become real. What a beautiful story.
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I just love this story. I read it to my kids when they were little. The story is told by the author with such love and sensitivity that i am not surprized you shed some tears. This extract where the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse have their conversation about what it is to be Real is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read. Thanks for sharing it with your readers who may not have read it and for those of us who haven’t read it in a while, but are grateful for the reminder of becoming real x
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This is a great story to read to your children to show them the values that really matter in life. I read it to mine when they were little and now I read it to my grandchildren – my copy is well worn and well loved at this stage.
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One of my all-time favorite books! Simply beautiful. My favorite part: “it lasts for always.” What a wonderful thought. And Marie, I imagine you were a fantastic teacher for the little ones.
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So happy to hear you love it too. I still miss those kids, though it gives me a jolt to think they are all grown up now!
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I enjoyed this tale when I was a child and have enjoyed it again on another level as an adult.
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The illustrations are beautiful in this book and the story is lovely – it makes me weep sometimes too. It is certainly a story that can be read bychildren and adults.
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a good old fashioned tale with a heart which appeals to kids and kidadults of all ages 😉
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I only just remebered this book from my childhood when I read your post today It’s a beautiful story, and i have no idea where my copy is – I think I may just have to buy it again for myself!
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This must be one of the most wonderful books ever written for children. I remember being completely absorbed by it as a child as indeed are my own children today.
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The rabbit is not the ‘best’ toy in the boy’s collection; he’s not the most expensive, the best constructed, or the most interesting. But as the wise old Skin Horse knows, it isn’t in the flashy paint and moving parts that true love grows. True love makes one real, and it takes a special being and a deliberate process to become real. ‘It doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.’ Just beautiful!
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I loved this book from childhood and and encourage everybody to read it! Its message is just wonderful and timeless
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Marie, have you read a book called the Velveteen Principles? It is based on the lessons of this book and if you haven’t already done so, then I suggest you do read it. I think you will like it.
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I haven’t Patricia – I must check it out – thanks for letting me know about it.
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This extract on your blog from Velveteen Rabbit made me recall the book from my childhood and it too moved to tears at the story of the rabbit’s becoming real, and the realisation that this reality came with a heavy cost.
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I love the question this raises. What does being real really mean?The wise old horse, loved so much that his fur had rubbed off, inspires the little rabbit by his acceptance, sense of self, and grace he extended, even sometimes to other toys that did not seem to deserve it. A simply beautiful inspirational story for all times and all ages.
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One of the key concepts in this story is that becoming ‘real’ is a process. ‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ the Skin Horse tells the rabbit. It is a process that can be slow, it can be painful, and it can lead where one doesn’t expect. We can all relate to that!
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One of the greatest results of becoming real, painful though it is, is that you develop empathy and a greater understanding for what others are going through. The Skin Horse had great powers of empathy, and particularly taught the rabbit a valuable lesson on self love.
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The transformation of the rabbit from toy to real is dramatic and poignant, and has lessons that can help transform our lives, too.
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Lovely story, and the lesson in the story is why it’s a classic. xxoo
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Beautiful tale but… does it not put all the emphasis in the need of being really loved as a condition to become real? If so, are all neglected people in this world of ours any less real than those fortunate enough to belong somewhere?
Maybe it is true and so we can walk by homeless people in the street without noticing them or ignore the Famine in Africa for they are less real than the ones we love and those who love us.
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A great point Chari – I didn’t think of it that way and I guess you are right…now I am sad again…
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I never read this book, but I will make sure to do it now. I loved the Skin Horse’s words, “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.” I’ve always said that whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Now I’ll have to say that whatever doesn’t kill me makes me “Real.” Thank you, Marie.
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Debbie, I do encourage you to pick up a copy – you won’t be disappointed!
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I always loved this story. It’s so “real.” 😉
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Thanks Renn x
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I also discovered the story as an adult. It’s excellent and proves that children’s stories carry huge insight. Thank you for sharing parts of this fantastic book. Yes, it does hurt to be real, but hurt makes that good things in life much more beautiful.
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And develops character Beth. Your comment reminded me of a quote by Helen Keller which I love – “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved” – the quote could very well read at the end that only then is realness achieved.
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Marie, I promise to give some thought to what has made me more real but for now I just want you to know how beautiful this post is and how much I love it. xox
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Thank you Jackie x
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That’s a beautiful post, Marie, one that will stay with me for a long time 🙂
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I never even heard of the book, now I want to go buy it and read it. That was a lovely and thought-provoking extract from it.
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Oh Mairead, you should. It is so beautiful and its message is very much for all ages.
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I gift this book to clients all the time, it is truly magical….good post marie.
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Lucky clients!
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I’ve never read this classic, but I know of it. Becoming “real” is something that happens as we age. We become more authentic, more accepting of the person we really are, as opposed to the person we want others to think we are. Some, like my poor mother, are not comfortable in their own skin. She’s so all consumed with how others will perceive her, that she doesn’t listen or engage like a real person. She’s not even a very good mannequin either. So very sad all around. Real people have empathy and compassion for others and aren’t afraid to show their own vulnerability. “Real” is something you can’t buy, and it’s worth more than money.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
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Oh Brenda, what a wonderful line “real is something you can’t buy” – that is so true – it is something that is hard earned by life’s knocks, but as you say, it creates a person of compassion and empathy, just like that old Skin Horse. Thanks for your comment x
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Marie – I love this post so much, I have included it in my post today. So thank you for the inspiration.
After I read your post this morning, one line replayed in my head: “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
There are days when I curse my still-sparse-from-last-year’s-chemotherapy eyebrows, the white line across my left breast where the nipple used to be, and the phantom itch I can’t scratch where the the side of my implants digs into my skin.
But I realize that even in all of my “shabbiness”, I am more real today than the “perfect” pre-cancer version of myself ever was. I have finally let go of the need to compulsively make my life Berenstain Bear perfect and to instead celebrate the words of the Skin Horse, “once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Here is my favourite quote today: It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
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I just read your latest post and I love to see how my reflections on becoming real inspired yours. Yes, I was very struck by that same line too and it cast me back to my own bald days too!
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When my daughter was in Children’s Hospital at the age of 4, she received this book from her preschool teacher. We read and read that book. I had totally forgotten about it until this post today.
Thank you so much for this post. This is a *truly* wonderful read and totally made my day.
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Oh Patty, I am so happy it made your day..now you just made mine 🙂
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Reading this stirs up memories and tears for me. I read this book to my students many times as well as to my own kids. We had the video too and it was also lovely. The message is timeless and beautiful.
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Thanks Nancy – that about sums up it up for me too…a timeless beautiful tale that I am so happy to have rediscovered.
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I have to agree with Melanie. I do mind being hurt, would forego it in a minute, even if it left me less real. Not looking to return to the naivety of my youth, but could do without the physical & emotional pain and fear of life as a BRCA carrier.
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I also understand that Susan – thanks for your comment
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First read this on Terri’s blog. loved it. what a great book. thanks for sharing this. speaks right to my heart, my soul, my existence, my becoming.
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So glad you love it too Katy x
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Thank you for this!
Much Love,
Kate
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you are so welcome my friend x
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Montessori Centre Academy in Glenshaw?
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No 🙂 here in Ireland
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I couldn’t believe it when I saw your post, this excerpt was one I read and read again as an unhappy teenager. Over the years as “my hair has fallen out” and etc. I have returned again and again to the comfort of these words. “Real isn’t how you are made..it takes a long time..you become.” And it does hurt, becoming real…though I do believe that being unreal is more painful. My daughter Hannah’s death, is the event in my life which made me most Real. It cut right through my Social Self. I had to start all over again. Who was I? What did I want? What did I need? What did I really care about?
But whatever the reason behind Hannah’s death, if there even is one, my path took me to this place. And when I embraced it, the pain, the not knowing, the light came in. I wish I could put into words what this light is like and how my world has changed. And I do believe, I will not become Unreal again.
Thank you Marie x
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Oh Martine, what a beautiful comment – I savoured every word you wrote in it x
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I have never felt more real in my life. The struggles I’m now facing make me realize that I’m not living in a fantasy, artificial world. Others are coming out of the woodwork to tell me they have experienced the same thing. So it is not my imagination, it is real and I can face it. I always loved this book. Thanks for reminding me of its wonderful message.
XOXO,
Jan
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