Patrick Swayze’s widow speaks about coping with losing her “soulmate”
- Patrick and Lisa who were married for 34 years.
It is hard to believe that it is one year since the death of actor Patrick Swayze. Interviewed recently in People magazine, Patrick’s widow, Lisa Niemi has been speaking about the pain of his loss and how she copes with it. She admits that she still texts her husband when she travels, just like she used to when he was alive.
In July, Lisa Niemi sent the actor, who died of pancreatic cancer a year ago this Tuesday, a text as she got on a plane. “I just put what I always did: ‘I love you,'” Niemi, told People in an upcoming issue. “And then I cried for a little bit to myself.”
This isn’t as strange as it sounds. Lisa says she always texted Swayze in this way, and much like the bereaved person who still lays a place at the dinner table for their loved one, Lisa’s action is a normal part of the grieving process.
The writer Joan Didion called it “magical thinking” in her beautiful novel “The Year of Magical Thinking,” about the sudden death of her husband John Gregory Dunne. She said she didn’t want to throw away Dunne’s shoes after his fatal heart attack because she thought he might come back. The magical thinking is that you will wake up in the morning and find that this has all been a bad dream much like the infamous shower scene in Dallas, when Pam Ewing wakes up to find her “dead” husband Bobby alive and well in the shower. People who lose loved ones typically go through five well-known stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But how a person grieves is a personal experience and I was disappointed to read some quite nasty and negative online comments about Lisa’s action. No one should judge how someone copes and reacts to a death. Reading her interview it didn’t appear to me that Lisa was in denial, she is just engaging in some “magical thinking” to get her through the pain of losing her soulmate. Lisa, who participated in Friday’s “Stand up to Cancer” telethon, admits the grieving process is still ongoing .”To have your soulmate leave you, it was definitely overwhelming” she says in her interview. She finished: “I know he wanted me to be OK. And I am stronger now. The fact that I’ve had some good days definitely gives me hope that I can have more”.
Hard to believe it’s been a year. RIP Patrick – you brought joy to so many of us over the years.
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Thanks, Marie for posting this. I was up until the wee hours of the morning to watch the SU2C telethon and was moved to tears by her speech.
People don’t grieve properly in the 21st century and psychologists have been warning against this fast ‘moving on’ with our lives that we are pressured into doing by society.
Whether people believe in an afterlife or not, any loss we suffer is bound to be deeply missed at some stage. Not grieving straight away will only cause us a traumatic reaction some time later with unexpected and, at times unwelcome, consequences.
Love you x
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Chari you are so right! It is so true that people don’t grieve properly today and and this fast ‘moving on’ with our lives that we are pressured into doing by society is a big problem. Well said!
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Marie,
Thank you for this post and I applaud you for your stance on how everyone grieves differently. It is sad that we live in such a throw away society that we aren’t allowed the opportunity to grieve for a loss.
Even though I haven’t commented much on any of your blog posts, I do read them and am always inspired!
Blessings your way!
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Thanks for sharing Marie, like you I am appalled by some of the online comments left about Lisa Niemi. She is a beautiful and strong woman and her grief isn’t something to be judgemental about everyone handles things differently. I still speak to my grandmother who past away almost 6 years ago and I’m a firm believer that the spirit never dies and even though physically that person has left us they are still with us. Memories and happy times spent together are what helps us to carry on and how Lisa is dealing with it is not at all strange!
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Great to read this and the above comments – very insightful and moving.
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Found some of the online comments in the DM very crass and insensitive. Thanks for redressing the balance with this excellent post.
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Thank you for shining a light on this topic – sometimes I think we live in a death denying society so it’s refreshing to read this post and the accompanying comments.
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Dear Marie,
Thank you so much for this blog. Although I don’t text my “better half” I do talk to him about things important to me, ask his approval on important issues and try to do the things I know would make him proud. Still miss him, but have him close all the time. Thanks for showing me that isn’t strange. Big hug, Annemieke
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Very moved by people’s comments here.
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Sad..but beautiful too.
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can’t believe a whole year has gone by since his death!
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I have found that her handling of Patrick’s death to be both honest, refreshing, and common amongst those also grieving this kind of loss. We spend so much time trying to defend or explain our actions to others it becomes easier to just hide away and isolate our true feelings while giving them the cookie cutter responses they demand. I lost my husband 18 months ago and have defended my choices of how I deal with it every single day since and I am saddened to say even before his death. I commend her on being true to herself, Patrick, and her emotions. It is time the world realize that grief isn’t some shameful topic to be hidden.
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Dear Cindy, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment here. I really appreciate it and please accept my deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband. Warmest Regards to you – Marie
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