Learning to let go
“To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go” ~ Mary Oliver
These beautiful words from my favorite poet were hand written in a card sent to me by my sweet friend Debbie. I have had to do some more letting go since I first read these words from Debbie a week ago. I have had to let go of a precious secret – the baby I have been carrying for the past 10 weeks, the baby that appeared like a miracle in my life right at the time I was losing my beloved mother. I carried this precious secret in my body and in my heart holding it against my bones knowing my own life depended on it..but this week the time came to let it go.
At my scan last week we were told the baby’s heart beat had stopped and our longed-for miracle was no more. After a week of waiting to miscarry naturally, I finally gave in and went to the hospital yesterday for a D&C. I am home again tonight and feeling so very sad and very empty – I feel as if I have lost my Mother all over again. Part of me believed this baby was sent to heal our grief over Mum’s death, that she (we found out it was a girl) would somehow bring Mum back to us. So, to lose her is a double blow. Sometimes, life is very cruel and difficult and this is one of those times. Please keep us in your prayers and your thoughts as we face a very sad Christmas this year. Your good wishes really are keeping me going.
Blessings to you all at this time.